The Undiscovered Country

First it was easy; then it got hard.

I went back to work full-time on Monday. Though it took all morning to get back in the groove of things, I didn't have an irrepressible urge to go back home because I missed Thomas so bad. I did go home for lunch, so that helped.

I was surprised how easy it was.

Dave had a more difficult time, because he couldn't do much other than take care of Thomas. He was going understandably stir-crazy. Still, the transition for both of them seemed to go quite well.

Until yesterday. Thomas cried most of the day until he saw me.

Today was even worse. When I came home for lunch Thomas had just crashed from crying so long and so hard. He only drank one bottle when usually he's downed downed two or three by now.

It isn't so much Thomas's crying that wrenched my heart, but leaving the house while his screaming followed me. Half-way down the sidewalk I stopped, fully intending to turn around and not go back to work.

My brain kicked in and said, "Don't. Thomas is just going through a bit of separation anxiety. He needs to get comfortable with spending long hours with his dad. Go back now, and the transition will be even more difficult."

Taking a deep breath, I continued to my car and drove to work. I'm here now writing this entry. I know I did the right thing, but I wish I could convince my heart of that.

It's going to be a long afternoon.

For all three of us.