Grandma's Pearls

Something

Well, I have been talking about my life as it was many years ago. There was a lot of drama back then. If I was to talk about my life now, everyone would be bored to sleep. NO DRAMA, thank goodness. Too much drama can cause high blood pressure! LOL! As the kids say. For those who don't know what that is, laugh out loud, lol. I had to ask my son, the baby of the family. He has just turned 19 and he is the only one to have actually graduated high school.
As badly as I wanted to see one of my kids take that walk to get thier diploma, I missed seeing the one that actually did it! I was staying with my sister at my mom's house. She had been diagnosed with a very rare form of cancer and didn't have very much time left. As a matter of fact, she passed away about a week after the graduation ceremony. My husband was there and he called me on the phone. I got to listen to the names being called and I heard my son's name. I was sitting on the front porch. We had put my sister's cell phone on speaker so she could hear also. When they called his name, I cried like a baby! I was so happy and so sad all at the same time. You wouldn't think that is possible because they are at such opposite ends of the emotional switchboard, but, that is how I felt.
I was happy because he graduated and so sad because I missed it. But, I had a very good reason for not being there and he understood. My sister and I were staying with mom and helping her to die with dignity. That probably isn't the right way to say it but, I don't know any other way to phrase it. Mom was diagnosed with neuro-endocrine carcinoma. A rare form of cancer that produces tumors all over the body. They range in size from pea size to softball size and she had them all over her body. They are itchey and very painful. When mom was told what type of cancer she had, we went to the cancer institute website and looked it up. She was going to try chemo, even though she doubted it would help her and she was right.
What we found out on the website was that the type of cancer mom had did not respond to chemo. It might stop new tumors from forming but it would not stop the ones that were already there. It wouldn't shrink them or affect them in any way. After we read that, mom called the doctor and asked her if this info was correct. The doctor said yes it was and that was the end of trying the chemo. All of us kids told mom that whatever decision she made, we would stick by her and we did. We went to her doctor visits, we cleaned her house, cut the grass, did the laundry, everything that she would have done for herself, we did for her.
It was just too hard for her to do those things. We called the hospice people, the same ones that helped my mom with my step-dad when he had cancer. It takes a very special individual to be a hospice care-giver. They are angels on earth and will have my gratitude for the rest of my life. We had a family meeting with the hospice people and figured out who would have the power of attorney and things like that. Then we learned how to take care of mom, while she was still able to help herself and how to take care of her when she wasn't. We had to monitor her meds, food intake or not, bathroom habits, ability to move around or not, every aspect of her life had to be monitored and recorded. The hospice doctor put mom on morphine. As much as she needed to be comfortable. At one point, she had taken about 300 milligrams of morphine in a 24 hour period. The hospice doctor changed the strength of her dosage and limited how often she got the meds. She could have 2 pills in the a.m. and 2 pills in the p.m. with a few of the smaller dosage pills in between if she was in pain. All of this we had to write down. The time and everything.
I only had a few months with mom before she died and that was the really hard part. I have been living 2 states away for about 15 years. I had only been home a few times in that space of time. Most of those times were for family funerals. Not happy occasions. When I went home this last time, it wasn't a happy occasion then either. It was for a little while but...
We did have some good times while I was there and made some very happy memories for all of us to remember. We took lots of photos and had the traditional family cook-out on Mother's Day last year. That was when I gave my mom the poem titled,"My Mother". I wrote that poem for her for her last mother's day. She loved the poem and gave me the biggest hug. It felt sooooo good! Words can't describe the feeling. A little less than 1 month later, mom was gone. A month and 1 day before her next birthday. I'm getting better, a little bit at a time. You have good days and not so good days. You have crying days and then you have days where you just don't feel like associating with anybody but you have to anyway. You never get over it but you learn to live with it and deal with it a little bit at a time. You keep it in a box in your mind and let a little out at a time. If you let it out all at one time, you would surely fall apart and become a basket case. The repurcussions of that happening would not be a good thing.