Grandma's Pearls

Yesterdays

Well, my first entry was about my birthday, that was last month. Today is Valentine's day and I might actually get some flowers from my husband. That would be a shock! It's not that he doesn't care, he just doesn't remember. Anyone that has been married as long as we have will understand that statement. When I met my husband, I was not looking for any type of relationship. I had just gotten out of a relationship and I had a newborn daughter. She was my first priority. At least that is how I was trying to think. I was staying with family, didn't have a job, didn't finish school and had absolutely no prospects on the horizon, so to speak.
My husband has told me many times, that when he came to see his friend, my cousin; he knew that we would be together forever. He said that when I answered the front door, he just knew. Do you believe in love at first sight? I didn't! To my way of thinking in that point in my life, it was just something a guy would say to get what he wanted. Turned out that I was wrong in this case. Surprisingly, we have been together for over 30 years. I never expected to be married, at least not for this long. You learn a lot as you get older and I want to share some of what I have learned but, I'm not sure how to do that. So, I think that I will just start writing about different things and see where I end up.
I was 16 years old when I met the man that (stole) took my virginity. He was 6 years older than me. Naturally, I was just naive enough that I believed his BS. He swept me off my feet. At 16, you have no idea what real love is like and you'll believe anything and everything that he tells you. Especially if he is older and more mature. After a few dates, don't remember how many, we slept together. That was the biggest mistake that I ever made! I thought that I loved this person. Turned out that he was just after one thing. After that, we didn't see each other very much. My first time was a waste of time. Don't listen to all the talk about not being able to get pregnant the first time because it isn't true. I got pregnant the very first time. As I said, I was very, very naive. I had no idea what real love was and nothing to use as a reference either. At first, I thought that it would be great, having his baby, then reality set in and I had to face the fact that I had to tell my mom. That was not happening! Instead, I picked a big fight with her and told her that I didn't want to live with her anymore. I wanted to go live with my Dad.
Anyway. I ended up going to live with my Dad for a while. I couldn't tell him either, so I told my step-mom. Naturally, she told my Dad. I thought he was going to kill me but, he just told me that if I was woman enough to make a baby, then I was woman enough to raise it. Little did I know, he was tracking down the baby's father. That was really scary for me. You see, my Dad was in the military at the time. He always said that he knew 1001 ways to kill a man and all of them slow. I thought for sure that someone was going to jail pretty soon. Fortunately or maybe not, that didn't happen. The guy showed up and swore to my Dad that he would do the right thing and marry me, so the baby would be legal. So, I left with him to go to his mother's house and supposedly get married. Well, we went to the JP and applied for the license, didn't have to get blood tests back then. The license cost about $5.00.
Then we went to the church and got married about 3 days later. After we got married, his mother and his sister bullied me into doing something that it took me many, many years to come to terms with, an abortion. Being young and very gullible and having them pressuring me 24 hours a day for days, I was talked into doing something so out of character for me. I love life and everything that goes with it, good and bad. For me to do something that many people equal to murder is almost unthinkable, but, I did it. It was over 30 years ago, but I still wonder what people would think of me if they knew. My children know. I told them when they were old enough to understand. My daughters are pro-life and my sons are pro-choice. I don't know how that happened but there it is. One of my sons is still on the fence, so to speak.
If incest or rape or a life-threatening situation is involved, he is pro-choice. If it were to be his kid, he would be very much pro-life. But, I'm getting side tracked, so back to where I should be continuing. After his sister dropped me off at the hospital for the weekend, I knew that I would regret the situation that I had gotten myself into and I did. I saw no-one that I knew for the entire time I was at the hospital. I went through the procedure all alone and terrified. When I was able to leave the hospital, his sister was the one who picked me up and took me back to his mother's house. After a few days, he drove me back to my mother's house and unceremoniously dumped me at the front door and left! I felt so horrible. It was many years before I could tell my mother what had happened to me. I felt like such an idiot because I thought that my mother wouldn't understand or couldn't help. It is funny how you realize things when you get older and have your own kids. I know now that my mom would have done everything she could to help me and I would probably have had 6 kids instead of 5. But, hindsight is 20/20 as they say.