Ten-Finger Exercises

providing a valuable service

I wish I could agree whole-heartedly that, as a hospice chaplain, I provide a valuable service. Maybe I could go so far as to say I offer one, but there aren't as many opportunities as you might think. It sure feels good though when I know I have.

Today I sat with two brothers preparing their mother's funeral service for tomorrow. The one brother, Al, I had talked to previously was a shy, mild-mannered, loving man who told me he and his brother had no idea what their mother believed. She had been a convert to Catholicism and had raised them in the church and attended faithfully, but not in recent years. They don't know of anything that happened, but she was silent about it.

I told him on the phone right after meeting her, that since she was not responding, I wanted some guidance about what she might like to hear. I had prayed the Lord's Prayer, and then talked quietly, reassuring her of her family's love for her. Would she want that? Would she like to hear scripture being read? They said no, probably not, but they thought she would like the companionship and soothing words and touch.

When she died, Al left me a message asking me to do the funeral. He showed up at the door moments after I arrived and found the note. He said he really liked my voice on the phone. (I was afraid, after he saw me and heard that I would use a liturgy for the service, that he might have changed his mind, but evidently not.)

He and his brother met with me this morning to go over what I proposed and to pick some Scripture readings. Brother Bob, who I hadn't met before, was very different, very outgoing, but not the take-charge person I'd expected from the nurse's description. He was very broken up, and he talked at length. By the time we had the service laid out, Al thanked me for being there and listening.

That is the real ministry, the listening and affirming, the invitation for them to tell certain parts of their lives and be assured that their mother had done a good job. I was glad to have been there, and I hope it will go like they envision tomorrow.