Ten-Finger Exercises

Backing up is so hard to do...duh

Backing up is my nemesis.

I am having an absolute melt-down, and it has nothing to do with the 100 degree heat. I need to write about it to get some perspective.

I hurried to the beauty shop this morning to get a hair cut, then to a new patient’s house, then to a funeral. I couldn’t find a place to park, and I parked in a designated “senior citizen” space next to the county building. According to AARP, I’m a senior citizen, but I wasn’t going into the county building for any reason.

When I came out, after an overly long and sentimental funeral where we were jam packed in the seats, I waited patiently for a car coming down the alley to pass. I looked very carefully in both directions, and also at the exit to another parking lot adjacent. A car was entering the alley from the far end, and there was plenty of time to get out of the parking space.

Maybe I was a little over-anxious to get out of the spot where I’d been illegally parked. I backed out right into a telephone pole in my blind spot, taking out the tail light and crunching the corner of the bumper. Seeing no damage to the telephone pole, thank goodness, I sped away.

By the time I got to the office, being exceedingly careful, I was ready for a good cry. Arlene, the MSW, was there, and was a good listener. She had done the same thing once, to her mother’s car.

My next impulse was to call Bill. I could say, “You know that movie title, ‘Honey, I Shrunk the Kids’? Well, honey, I just crashed the car.” Or I could say, “I never was superstitious about Friday the 13th. Maybe there’s something to it after all.”

Then I pictured him insisting on coming home right away to comfort me, and I didn’t want that to happen. I didn’t want to feel as stupid as I was feeling, and certainly didn’t want …I can’t think quite what it is, but I still don’t want it. He won’t get mad. He will worry about me, about my competency. He may even give me some tips about checking over the surroundings before I get in the car, to refresh my mind.

That’s what I don’t want: I don’t want my competency questioned, even though I was doing just that all the way to the office. I don’t want him or anybody to look at me askance, as it were, wondering if I’m ‘losing it. ‘Whatever ‘it’ is. Maybe I lost ‘it’ a long time ago. I’m constantly losing things. Maybe that’s a sign of losing ‘it.’

Anyway, I’m home now. There was a spectacular lightening storm as I drove. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many straight up and down bolts that stayed in the sky long enough to see them pulsate several times with increasing and decreasing brightness. The propane cannons were going off in the apple orchard, but have stopped. We had a fast shower of huge drops, but no hail.

I still feel like I can hardly take a deep breath, and I may cry again, will certainly when Bill comes home. I don’t know why I have this urge to call up and ‘confess.’ My insurance rates will probably go up.

I remembered the first accident I had, a long time ago. I clipped somebody’s fender in a parking lot the same way. I was so embarrassed about it that, as I left the note on the car I hit, I thought about the old Reader’s Digest joke. A person returned to her car to find a damaged fender and a note under her windshield wiper. The note read: “Everyone who sees me writing this note will think I’m leaving my name and phone number, but I’m not.” Of course I didn’t do that, but I couldn’t bring myself to write my name either. I just left the address and phone number.

At least I didn’t break the power pole in half! Oh great, now I can worry about that now too! The car that had just entered the alley stopped and watched, maybe at first waiting for my parking spot. But maybe she was writing down my license number and calling the police to report property damage!

Oh dear, I’d successfully gotten this into some perspective and me into control, and now I’m back to making a mountain out of it. Maybe I can get a backup camera installed.