The Snowflake Chronicles

An Urgency to Achieve

1 Izzat 163 B.E. – September 8, 2006

I feel an urgency to get thing done today. Something is pushing me to work as fast as I can; urging me to move from one project to the next completing as much as I can on my A and B list. Most to the project I have going can be completed in a short time. I don’t know what it is, but I have no choice except to work, to write. It doesn’t matter what my inner critic says at this point about how incapable I am of doing everything I set out to do today.

I am happy this morning, not worried about anything. The cause of this has to do with a change in attitude, which occurred at Feast last night. Last night was the Feast of Izzat (Might) and I had an epiphany. I realized that the only place I have never felt like an outsider is among Baha’is. Other places it takes me a while to feel comfortable. I have always felt comfortable among Baha’is, even before I declared.

I refer to feeling uncomfortable among people as feeling like an outsider. I have always encountered this problem, even among family. In fact, even today, I am uncomfortable around family members; my mother of course is the exception. This is a situation I deal with, but haven’t solved. I suppose I could eventually find a solution, but at this point, in my life, I’m not sure I really want a solution. I simply want to get through family meetings and on with my life. I do feel less uncomfortable with my nieces and nephews than I do with my brother’s and sisters. I’m going to have to explore this problem, it could have to do with sibling revelry or it could be issues from my childhood that I need to confront.