Ten-Finger Exercises

Wise cactus tamer

When Alfred created my sig, "wise cactus tamer" is what he put next to my name. My old CB handle was CactusWren. My first need for a username came twenty years later with my first computer. The way I remembered it, Yahoo sent me the name "oldcactuswren," which seemed very funny and coincidental. By now, with more familiarity about how those things work, I'm guessing they probably sent some number/letter code for me to change when I got into their site, and I chose the name myself.

Whichever happened, I've had it for a long time now. And I love Alfred's description.

That's what it feels like I've been doing at hospice recently, trying to tame cacti.

About a third of our patients list a religious preference, or at least a pastor they know and from whom they expect pastoral care and a funeral service. Another third don't list anything, but are nominally Christian. The final third don't have a preference and aren't interested in religion, but don't necessarily bar chaplains' visits. (That happens pretty equally in all areas; the patient or family may object to having a chaplain. My guess is that they think I'll be evangelizing, or Bible-thumping at best.)

Our newest nurse, who has been working there a few months, happens to be evangelical.
Now, there is a rule that says chaplains and social workers don't prescribe medical treatment or make suggestions about things nurses do, at least not to patients and families. There needs to be a rule the other way around as well, but there isn't a very clear boundary in place.

Even though hospice is interdisciplinary in nature, it is still run on a medical model. So nurses do sometimes, especially after hours, get into our territory, and rightly so. If they see a need for a patient to be transported out of the home to a care facility, they'll sometimes take care of it if a social worker isn't handy. And if a patient or family wants prayer and the chaplain isn't available, the nurse who feels okay about offering will pray with them.

What isn't okay is when the evangelistic nurse keeps reassuring distraught patients or family members of God's love, or that they'll be with Jesus, or giving them a pamphlet on "the steps to salvation." That is really and truly not okay, not unless the patient/family brings it up themselves.

We are not often in a home at the same time a nurse is present, but it's happened twice now in my presence that this one nurse has flooded her conversation with "God talk." I talked with her about it after it happened the first time and thought she understood. Evidently not. It happened again with a non-religious patient and spouse who had said clearly that they did not want a chaplain.

In that case, if I can, I try to make a visit along with a nurse so that I can fill out the appropriate forms for the patient's chart re spiritual care, and so that I can give them a chance to see that I'm not there with a religious agenda.

This particular non-religious husband was very angry at God, evident because he said he could certainly do a lot better job at being God and ranting on about it. He initiated the topic, and I empathized, truly. If I thought God had made his wife that ill and in pain, I wouldn't have wanted anything to do with him either.

But the nurse couldn't stay out of it. I wanted to say, "Look, I'll change the dressings while you do my job."I wouldn't be very good at that either.

So, on two recent instances, I feel like I've had to protect the non-Christians from the over-zealous Christian. The latter becomes pretty prickly, and even the other chaplain, who is of a much more evangelistic background, is apt to avoid that role.

God help me to continue to be a wise cactus tamer, whatever the persuasion of the patient, the family and the cactus.

Thank you, Mavis Moog, for this badge.