Dis 'n Dat

Got a black magic woman

*Names have been changed to protect the idiots.

Well, I knew I would write about her sooner or later. That's right, it's time for one of many installments about my donkey mother-in-law. I touched on the subject very, very briefly in an earler blog. And you just can't get the jist of this woman from that. Maybe the smallest of ideas, but nothing near what she is all about.

Let's start at the beginning...

My in-laws (let's call them Dumbass and Devil Woman*) live in a 100+ year old house here in Nowheresville, ME. This house is very large on quite a bit of acerage. They have lived in the house for 26 years. When they first moved in it made sense. 3 kids, some pets, accumulated belongings. They are antique obsessed and both are shopaholics. So naturally the house is jam-packed with all of their junk. Dumbass used to work 6 days a week leaving the entire maintenance of the house on Devil Woman's shoulders. She claims that she used to be a cleaning fanatic but in recent years she has had to endure so much that she just can't keep up with it anymore. In other words, she would rather tend to her garden (which is out of control as well) then do the necessary daily chores.

Last summer my hubby and I moved up here because we thought we needed a change of pace. The cost of living where we were was a bit high and we really wanted to buy a house. Plus we would be closer to hubby's family since mine is scattered to the four winds. Dumbass and Devil Woman were kind enough to let us live with them (rent free) until we bought a house. I was 5 1/2 months pregnant at the time and we only had one vehicle so it didn't make much sense for me to get a job. Looking back I would have done just about anything to get out of that house. My long days were spent helping around the house which I was glad to do. I actually like cleaning and I thought it was the least I could do since we were living there scott free. Things were okay in the beginning. When I was nearing the end of my pregnancy I was becomming tired very easily and she would make comments to Dumbass about how I was sleeping a lot. This irritated the shit out of me because I was still managing to clean the entire house while she would putter around in the monster garden and spend 3-4 hours a day on that gardening website.

Fast forward to the present...

Dumbass is being charged with some felony stuff, so he had to close down his business and is now stuck at home with Devil Woman. The upkeep on the house is physically draining them and without his income the house will ruin them financially. Long before the arrest and all of the legal crap started happening, hubby said that they should think about downsizing and get a smaller house. Well, now it has come to that. Since I only work in the afternoons and Trot is in daycare all day, I told them that I would come over and help them start to pack things they wouldn't need (i.e. dishes, knick-knacks, etc.) When I arrived yesterday we didn't get started until 10:30ish because they were gone all moring having breakfast with some friends. Whatever. I asked what we needed to start on and she said to work on the bathroom. I'm thinking, what the hell are we going to pack up in the bathroom?? No, no, it just needs to be cleaned. That's right, cleaned. I have been hired back on the be the cleaning lady again. Meanwhile she is unloading/loading the dishwasher. I'm still cleaning and she goes upstairs to get on her gardening website and e-bay. I'm thinking, why the hell am I working while she is goofing off on the computer. I tell her that I have to get back to the house because I need to get ready for work and that I'll see her at 9 tomorrow.

I get there at 9 this morning and her ass is still in bed. The house doesn't look any different from when I left yesterday. Nothing has been packed and no other cleaning has been done. I ask Dumbass what I should do. He brings some cleaning supplies into the dining part of the kitchen. Mind you, there is still clutter everywhere. Mail, paperwork, gardening stuff, laundry. You name it. If there is one thing I hate doing it's cleaning around clutter and personal items that need to be taken care of. I take the long armed duster and start trying to get rid of the cobwebs on the ceiling and beams. 9:15 comes and goes and still no sign of Devil Woman. I'm standing there looking around wondering what in the hell to do with myself. 9:30 comes and goes and still no Devil Woman. At this point I am livid. Here I am cleaing and doing the crap work that NOBODY wants to do, when I have a ton of my own chores waiting for me at my house and this bitch is still sleeping. I got the hell outta Dodge. I left a note on the front door saying that I was sorry I couldn't stay longer but that I had things to do at my house. Even though, Dumbass is, well...a dumbass, I kind of feel sorry for him. He has been working his butt off and she has done nothing but worry about her f-ing plants!!! I'll be glad when this whole fiasco is over with. In the meantime, I guess I'll just have to whistle while I work.