A little something about nothing

Anxiety

I think the reality of moving is setting in a little more. Last night Mark and I were talking about it and I think he is finally starting to get serious about it. He was on-line looking up different rental properties. Of course he is all over the board as for what type of rental to look at and what city to search in, but it is a start, right?!

During our conversation he proceeded to remind me of the different expenses I'll have and to keep in mind the cost of the utilities. He was surprised I'd be moving to an apartment that cost so much and when he started talking about the ones he is considering looking at I started getting doubts. However, in the end it is a place I know is safe, newer, has the layout and amenities I need/want and is much closer to work for me. So I wiped that doubt out pretty quickly.

Although, as he took his smoke break...no smoking in the house ONLY outside...I started focusing on the money I have, the debt I have, the money I'll be spending, etc. I truly hate that everything we do is revolved around money. There is a movie with Leonardo DiCaprio where he lives on an island with other people...older movie. No money is used and it appears they were all happy and got along. Of course it is a movie, but I do believe money causes a lot of the stress people have. I don't have the perfect solution how we could survive without money, but I'm thinking if we went back in time where they use to trade for things might be nice! I could make brownies in exchange for a pair of jeans...fair deal or what?!

I also started thinking about how things will be between Mark and I when we move out. Part of me looks forward to having time apart and getting to do our own thing. Yes, I know I should/could be doing it more often than I do now, but with having him always there I feel bad not asking him to come along with me, not to mention he is like my best friend and I enjoy his company...most of the time. Then the other part of me started getting anxious at the thought of us moving out and not seeing each other again. As much as I know we need to move on, part of me fears our friendship will fade away. It makes me think this is how people getting divorced feel...minus the physical relationship part that is!

I will say the one thing he said that excited me, but I'm not getting my hopes up is, that it may work out that we move in August instead of September...YIPPEE!! Not that I look forward to packing and unpacking, but once I know something is coming I just can't wait for it to get here!!