A little something about nothing

Pain is still here

On September 11, 2005 my grandpa passed away. The days surrounding this event were very hard. After a week or two passed I felt like I was doing very well with everything. There was one night I watched Save the Last Dance, which I have seen multiple times, but that night I cried while watching it. I conculded this was a night I was thinking about my grandpa.

Then on Monday I was working on my list for Christmas cards and Christmas gifts to buy and had to remove his name from my lists. That was hard, but I was still doing well, until yesterday. The family has decided that on Sunday we are meeting for breakfast, then going to a special mass at my grandparents deaf church, and then to the cemetary.

Just replying to the email about the details made the tears start flowing. Breakfast I can surely handle and even the mass; however, I do not feel ready to make my first visit to the cemetary. I want to be there to support my family, but I think it would end up them taking care of me.

I sent my dad an email this morning to see if he'll be upset if I don't go. With all he is going through the last thing I want to do right now is dissapoint him.

I just want to know...when does it get easier???