Mental Meanderings

Hiding and feeling guilty ;-)

I'm still fine and nothing really monumental has happened except that I returned to an online game I used to play and it kills a few braincells which means I rarely have anything interesting to say. Not to mention the fact that I tend to only check my email before logging into the game to start playing.

I haven't written here because, as I said, I haven't had anything semi-interesting to talk about but also because I feel guilty about playing this game and not doing anything on my list that involves writing. I haven't even looked at my draft for The Dating Game in a couple of weeks now, haven't written any new poetry either.

Some good news is my poem, Destiny Doom, won first place in the Alphabet Fun contest. I had a feeling it might because I was very proud and I must admit that I have some ego when it comes to my poetry Wish that extended to my fiction as well lol but I suppose it's a case of practice leading to confidence.

I'm also feeling guilty about not reading everyone elses journals. I haven't done much reading at all lately, online or off and writing isn't the only thing I've been slack on lately. My budgetting doesn't seem nearly as important as playing this game and the housework only gets done because I don't have much choice about doing it.

I know this game is an addiction. I knew it when I played it seven months ago and it took a shock tactic to break me from it. This game is in part to blame for the failure of my marriage. It was while playing this game my ex met the woman he's now engaged to. It's not really the games fault and the call of the game never really subsided.

I also know this game probably isn't very healthy for me. But then again I know chocolate isn't very good for me and it doesn't stop me eating it. There are all sorts of things we do selfishly even though we know we probably shouldn't and at the moment, for me, it's to play this game.

But it's amazing the effect a simple game can have on real life. Because this is an online game I'm interacting with people online, making friendships and getting involved in other peoples lives. This gives me the highs and lows that are involved in caring for others. I don't much like the lows and sometimes I just want to turn off the computer and closet myself up in my house.

I'm also swearing more because of this game. I don't know if it's because of the emotional turmoil or because of a game I introduced to the players there. I played it once about a year ago and thought it was great. It's called Naughty ABC and the aim of the game is to list naughty words that begin with the given letter. It's really become a hit with the other players and I'm learning a lot of naughty words and interesting facts.

Anyway, that's where I've been all this time and while I don't even care that my journal is mostly black except about this time in the morning when I know it's time to write an entry but I can't be bothered bringing my brain with me long enough to write one.

Hopefully, this intensity with the game won't last too long and I'll start become reasonable about it all. I get tempted to quit about three times every day so maybe one of these urges will win out and I'll be back at full strength with some experiences to write about.

Thank you all for caring about my wellbeing and for checking up on me.