Mental Meanderings

Hopefully in time - Goals & Dreams

Well I'm hoping I'll get this entry in time for the first of August and start the month off right. Today's been chaotic and it's not even lunch time lol. But hopefully the rest of the day will move at a more leisurely pace.

Last night I wasn't much in the mood for anything. I did manage to do a catch up of Dan's Journal (and blushes and thank you for your kind words in your latest entry Dan) I'm glad I was able to catch up because he had a lot of great entries. *points to my Member Blogs, everyone go and read Planner Dan*

Other than that I vegged out for the night because I couldn't get the motivation to do any work. But today I want to get back into the routine. I've been thinking about my priorities and goals. What I hold important to my sense of self. Thankfully a movie I watched last night called Prozac Nation brought a few things home for me. I found myself echoing a lot of the main character. She's a manic depressive 19 year old journalism student. I enjoyed seeing one of her manic ups, it was wild, I'm pleased to know that I've never been that bad and I just wished they'd given a better example of what the low coming off such a high would have been like. The higher your high the lower your low when you're manic because it's like a giant pendulum.

Anyway, it got me thinking about the way I tend to be self defeating. There are no other things holding me back from what I want but myself. I keep putting my own detours and roadblocks in and I know it so hopefully it won't be too difficult to dedicate myself to change. Strive ahead and go after what I want instead of making it so hard for myself.

Still it's big dreaming and it's not going to be easy. 23 years of habit can be hard to break. One of the first things I need to do is take another good look at my budget. Last month I know I blew a lot of money I really didn't need to and this month I'm going to get a better grip on that. Blowing money where I shouldn't be is putting my goals out. My driveway is still not paved because I sacrificed $100 on DVD's or $50 on a trip to the movies etc.

I always feel bad after spending money I could have saved and think about how much better I would have felt if I'd saved the money and waited till after I'd paved the driveway to move the DVD's into importance. It comes down to priorities really, and imediate satisfaction versus the end result.

In the modern world we are involved in a lot more instant gratification. You drive down to the fast food shop to get instant dinner, you have instant photographs, instantly pay bills online, instant money from a teller machine, etc. We expect to get what we want right away and this sort of life style makes having to wait for things a lot harder. The truth is I like having what I want now, I'm not a fan of layby because your giving money but not taking anything home. Thankfully I haven't swung the other way and falling into a credit trap which would be equally as self destructive.

So, I think I'll be writing a lot of lists over the next fews days, sorting out my priorities and deciding what is most important to me. What I want to accomplish for my own self esteem. Not writing is very destructive because being a published author has been a goal for as long as I can remember. Each day I don't write, and don't edit is another day I'm not reaching for that goal. And if every day is like that I'll never have that dream.

Financially, each dollar I don't save is another dollar away from having the kind of home I want to live in. I keep a small list on the side of my monitor with a prioritized list of what I'm saving for. I think I need to make it more prominent, perhaps add a copy to my purse and stickytape a copy to my bank card. That way any time I'm tempted to spend money I think about what I really want.

So, in the hopes of starting August in the right frame of mind I hope to get this entry in on the 1st and go for a blue month. I hope everyone else has the chance to evaluate what is really important for them and decide to use the month to further their dreams and goals.