Mental Meanderings

Darn pushy reminder

Well it's all well and good to have a journal but these pushy reminders are beyond me. I'm tempted to tell the reminder where to go. I mean as well intentioned as it is it can't understand that I would rather not bother today. But since I did say I would write daily, and since there are probably friends in the online world wondering where my entry is today I suppose I should write something.

Personally I'd rather stay away from the computer completely. Sitting here makes me remember the book I should be editing. And my resolutions to write every day. And the fact that I'm not doing either of those things. It reminds me that I try to call myself a writer but am not writing.

It's all well and good to say I'll have a break but if you think about it I had only earned a few days and I've taken what a week, two, could it even be creeping towards three? In a regular job (at least here in Australia) you earn leave. You are entitled to two weeks (sometimes four weeks depending on the jobs) every year. But you aren't automatically entitled as soon as you get a job to those weeks whenever you want them. You earn them. A day and in some jobs even an hour at a time.

I worked six weeks writing the first draft of The Dating Game. So how many hours of leave did I accumulate? And since that book was written in 20 minutes a day, seven days a week, over six weeks I guess I only put a total of 14 hours into it (is that maths right? 20 minutes times 7 days times 6 weeks devided by 60 (minutes per hour)? Doesn't seem very long. That's like two days regular work (2 days to write 40,000 words?).

Technically working on those figures I haven't earned any leave. I think it's definately time to give myself a push. You know what ran through my head when I said that to myself just then, "Why not wait until after your birthday?" lmfao Damn Caliban can really come up with some interesting procrastination excuses.

No, tomorrow morning, I'm going to be here at 6AM editing my book. Twenty minutes of editing. I should do another twenty of writing but I do understand the start small theory so I'll start with twenty minutes of editing and ease into the extra twenty of writing.

Another Caliban excuse coming up. It's telling me, "But Paul might be on Yahoo at that time and will want to talk to Kaylie. You can't put him off because he only has that time to talk to her." *sighs* In a sense that's true. But you know, I'll deal with that problem if it comes up.

Paul didn't connect this morning. I had told Kaylie he would be on and she could see him via cam and he didn't show up. I felt like a fool. I usually deliberately don't get her hopes up about that sort of thing. I know how disappointing it is when 'Daddy' doesn't keep his promises. Mine disappointed me all the time and I usually overcompensate by not letting my kids know about any promises their father made until they are happening. Of course, I needed to explain to Kaylie why I was getting her ready early so I told her. He didn't show up so we twiddled our thumbs waiting for him. She was upset when we had to leave for school and she hadn't seen him. I'm pissed off about it now, he can't string his kids along, they are too young to understand. All they know is that he didn't care enough to be there when he said he would be.

Going off on a tangent. lol it's funny how easy it is to write when you sit there and do it. I started this entry not wanting to write anything and once again deliver a deluge of useless mind-vomit. I appologise to any off you who ended up with it on your shoes. I hope my entry makes your day seem more interesting.