Mental Meanderings

Getting really slack

My entries are falling behind. I blame the fact that most of the people I frequently read didn't have an entry the other day. Just because you all do have a new entry now means that I better get one too. Because I haven't been writing, I've not been in the frame of mind to do my journal either. It's strange how the two things connect. I need to get back to things. Maybe I'll get back to the twenty in the morning but instead of trying to use it to write on a new story while I'm still in the editing process of an old one I'll use it to edit. Perhaps once I get one project finished I'll be able to start the new one.

Paul (my ex) contacted me yesterday. As I suspected his mobile phone doesn't roam that far so he's not available via mobile. I didn't think to get a contact phone number from him. Apparently he and Sherri (the 'other' woman ) connected well when they first met and Sherri's 13 year old Alex has taken to Paul as well. I'm glad things are working out for him because I was a little worried I'd have to deal with a beg and plead when he got home. I thought perhaps he'd realise she's not like what he though she was and come back hoping to patch things up so that he hadn't thrown away his family for the sake of a fantasy. We can remain friends so I'm glad things are working out for him.

Kaylie sat on my lap while we talked to him this morning. Not for long, it was late afternoon where he is so he was obviously busy. But for us it's the best time because she's awake, we've got time before getting her ready for school, and she's not asleep or at school. Yesterday when he was online she was at school but he got to see Joshua for a few minutes. It was Josh's naptime so I turned the cam off since Josh was fussing too much.

My feelings are mixed about it all. I'm glad things are working out for him but I'm still really jealous that he's over there and I'm not. I still feel hurt by it all too and while I'm trying to put that aside so I don't damage the relationship that we have left I can't help but feel betrayed. I'm trying to talk about 'her' without thinking of homewrecking and bitches. I'm sure she's a lovely person but it's really hard to come to terms with dramatic changes. A part of me still misses my husband. How long does that last? I guess a part of me will still miss the love we had. Time to have a fling with someone else lol, best way to forget the past.

Despite that tingle left I don't want what we had back. He was an important part of my life and I'll be forever greatful for the time we had but I've outgrown him. It's still a shame that he won't be live in Daddy for his kids but I'm glad my options of husband are open again. I'd aim higher next time. My standards have grown because I know feel more self confident and have had a chance to see what I don't want in a husband. I've done a lot of growing up since I was seventeen.

I'm beginning to look forward to my birthday this Sunday. We've decided to start having the alternate Sunday's at my house that way we can aim to make it dinner and the kids can go to bed same as usual while I stay up and have some adult time with my mother and sisters. I really enjoyed the day we spend at Tracy's house into the late hours but the kids weren't in a comfortable environment so they both crashed to sleep late instead of going down at bedtime.

My mother bought me the Star Wars Trilogy on DVD. I have them on Video but it was definately time to upgrade, especially since I'll be buying the prequels on DVD soon too. Probably in six or so months when they come in a pack of the first three. It'll be interesting watching all six from 1 to 6 and see the story progress. With the retouching they did on the trilogy it would be interesting to compare the graphics from the first three to the last three. I'm a Star Wars fan, can't you tell? I was raised on Star Wars.

Anyway, I better get the day started. Didn't even have a chance to take a pit stop or get a drink or anything this morning since I slept in past the time I told Paul I'd have Kaylie on cam for him. Time to go do all that now. Have a great day/night.