Mental Meanderings

Sooooo Tired

And my head is absolutely killing me. I took a stand on Josh last night and didn't got to him when he woke in the night. He's 13 months old now and still wakes in the night. Every hour... Last night instead of getting up at midnight and bringing him into my bed for the rest of the night I ignored him. Half and hour later he was asleep again. I sighed in relief and fell back to sleep. Half an hour later he was awake and crying for half an hour before falling asleep. I swear sitting there ignoring him takes more energy than pacing the floor used to do when he was younger. It's stressful to hear him crying and he was so angry. I kept telling myself that I had to get through it. He needs to be sleeping through for both our sakes and as the night wore on I reassured myself with, "If I get him now I'll have undermined the night we've already suffered through."

Unfortunately it means I'm wrecked this morning. My head is killing me, my eyes ache, my throat is sore, my neck is sore, basically I'm aching all over. I'm so tired I could crash back into bed and sleep the day away. Hopefully he'll go down for his nap at a reasonable time today (yesterday he didn't) and maybe tonight will be easier.

Today I gave my double 20's a skip. At least for this morning. I might aim to get it in tonight if I'm feeling alright by then. My head hurts too much to do the sort of thinking for my 20's. I know I'm going to feel guilty when I'm feeling better but right now I really don't care. I'd like to turn the world off, take out my kids batteries and sink back into bed.

On a positive front my house should be settled by this time next week. I have an appointment with the bank to sign papers on Thursday. I have to get my insurance set up prior to then but basically it's almost all set. The account that the mortgage will go into is already set up. It's great seeing this mortgage account sitting there and this time next week it will be even better because I'll have $100,000 in there, available money. Unfortunately I then have to transfer it out to Paul to pay him for the house, but for a few hours I'll have lots and lots of available money. It's all debt however so it's nothing to get excited about, it's not the same as winning the lotto, which I did by the way 5th devision anyway, about $25 enough to cover that ticket and this weeks.

Paul is going to the US on Saturday and I'll have his car while he's away. He'll be spending two weeks in Seattle where his woman lives and then they'll both be spending two weeks in Hawii. I'm so jealous. Going to America was always my dream and we had planned to go together. It sucks that he gets to go and I don't. But I suppose that's the way life works. He seems to think he'll be hooking up with his woman and moving there permenantly but I've been getting negative signals and the durability of that relationship once they meet. After all, so far they've only had phone and internet.

Well that's a catch up and now I've got to get Kaylie ready for school, down a few panadol and hope I can get through the rest of today and that Josh is a little better tonight.