Mental Meanderings

Reiki, attunement and supressing psychic abilities

My horoscope was spot on yesterday. It certainly was a day full of spiritual awareness. My sister asked for some healing so I sent her some for about half an hour. I find it really draining to do distance healing. I haven't done Reiki 2 which is where you learn the symbols involved with bringing spirit down to send the energies for you so everything I send is self controlled and sent self to self. That means that I'm controlling the channel and I really have to concentrate to keep my target in contact.

Today instead of doing the housework and errands we had planned my mother is going to show me some of the techniques from Reiki 2 so that I'll find this distance healing easier. It's a case of allowing spirit to do that connecting for you rather than maintaining in yourself. I'll find this useful for more than Reiki so I'm looking forward to learning.

Wilfully tuning in is fairly new to me. I still flutter with fear at the thought of doing a reading, or sending a healing. When I was a very young child I would draw aura's around people. My teachers passed it off as rainbows but my mother smiled in pride when she saw my pictures. I remember that in those days it all felt so normal and easy.

Then of course I grew up, started high school where I learned that what I could do wasn't normal.

One night my sisters and I were outside camping in a nice big tent. We lived in a house that used to be the towns local swimming pool. We'd filled the old worn pool in and camped the tent on top of it. That night a young boy spoke with me. He was about ten years old and had drowned in the pool. My sisters freaked out and wouldn't stay out there after that.

My friends in school played at sceances, they didn't really believe that they would get anything. They pushed the glass around the table and I couldn't help feeling confused. I could see the various spirits we'd invited to the table but none of them took any part in what was going on. They watched, almost sadly.

My best friend freaked out when I told her that her sister, who'd died as a baby watched over her and was worried. She presented as a woman near my own age but the image flickered with a picture of a newborn baby. My friend wouldn't believe me and the rejection hurt.

That night my boyfriend (later husband and now ex) asked me to see if I could bring up his father. He had asked at the sceance but nothing came through for him. I concentrated as we lay together in the dark room that night. I knew his father wasn't dead and Paul felt reassured by that. I also learnt that he had a new family and while he wouldn't reject contact with his son they wouldn't have a father son relationship like Paul wanted.

Paul rejected the information, he didn't believe me. He wanted to assume his father was dead. A few years ago he learned that his sister was in touch with their father. His father had a new wife who had children and grandchildren of her own. They talked on the phone a couple of times but now rarely speak to each other.

Since then I've pretty much shut down my abilities. I didn't like hurting people and I didn't like seeing all the time. I couldn't feel safe at home alone, especially after my poor little kitten was killed. Even supressed I would catch the sight of him out the corner of my eye.

Now days it's very hard to tune in. I'm only just beginning to accept my abilities as a gift rather than reject them but it's so hard. I feel myself pushing away the contact and while I wish I wouldn't be so afriad too much conditioning against it all happened as a teenager. But I'm determined, I've learnt since then thanks to a very spiritually adjusted mother that I can help people. While my mother is good at healing my sister asks for me because I'm stronger at it. Now it's a case of accepting my abilities as a natural part of my life, rather than running away from them.

So today is another step in that direction. In fact, I better get that day on the move since it's almost 8AM and I've got to get Kaylie ready for school.