Mental Meanderings

Boys Beware! A woman only subject.

< WARNING!!! The following entry may prove more than any reasonable person would want to hear. It contains many instances of TMI (Too Much Information) and can cause aches, shudders, and sympathy. The really cruel hearted my laugh at my expense Contains: gore and unplesant referance. >

I currently have a visitor I haven't had in nearly two years. Since a couple of months before I fell pregnant with Josh infact who has just turned one. I blame the fact that I've recently cut down a great deal on the frequency of the breastfeeds I give Josh. I'm down to three a day now, kind of a breakfast, lunch and dinner thing. He has a feed when we are waking up in the morning, a feed before his nap and a feed before bed at night. The rest of the time he's on cups, finger food and baby food.

Anyway, this visitor had been sporadically in my life since I was a teenager. Never dependable and while I could go for months without entertaining her she would undoubtable be quite demanding, painful and hang around for up to two weeks when she did eventually arrive.

Ok, so most of the women here would probably have guessed by now I mean my period. Finally returned after pregnancy and a year of breastfeeding. I feel so uncomfortable. I'd normally wear tampons because I don't like the dripping tap syndrome involved with pads. But I didn't want to risk infection or toxic shock on the first return after giving birth so it's pads at least for the next few days until her visit abates.

The back ache reminds me of the very early stages of labor, when it's just a dull ache you can distract yourself from and you begin to wonder if this is the beginning. In my cause with labor I felt this constant lower back ache, a build up of heat just above my hib bone along the spine, for the first four hours or so. It would gradually build up till I couldn't sit comfortably. That is the kind of back ache I'm experiencing.

Having been so long since her last visit I feel really strange. I mean in some ways I'm glad. For the past year I've wondered on and off if she'd ever return. I'm also glad because it's a reassurance of my fertility and also confirms that I am not pregnant (which was a slight but real possibility). That news is a great relief since I had begun to be concerned about bringing a newborn into the world now the father is no longer a part of it.

I was planning to leave this entry out but for some reason my mind wouldn't let me. Every time I settled down to do something else it just had to share. Perhaps I should mark it private now I've written it, and forget about it. But well, I guess my ego is too great. I must share.

Appologies to anyone who didn't want to read this. I'll go back to the beginning before I save and put a disclaimer up the front. Super appologies to any men who chanced by this entry, serves you right for letting your curiosity get the better of you. Now I've got this entry out of my system perhaps I can play my game, in peace.