A little something about nothing

Personal Happiness

After my discussion on Saturday I have been doing a lot of thinking. Instead of thinking of others, I was actually thinking about myself and my life.

I've come to the conclusion I need to change...maybe not everything, but I truly need to work on my inner self. I have noticed that lately it doesn't take much for me to get irritated and over little things. I worry about anything and everything and get upset when things don't work out the way I had expected or hoped they would.

At first I was thinking this was related to my lack of sex...been too long to discuss; however, with extra thought I think I may have figured it out. It is a two part issue. First, I realize that I am overly consumed with the worry about what others may think and if they will like me or not. Yes, that would be called insecurity...uggghhh! The second part, which is partly related to the first part, is I focus my happiness on others instead of focusing on what makes me happy. I sat there the other day and tried to figure out what truly makes me happy. Sad to say, but I could come up with things that don't make me sad or upset, but what truly makes me overly excited and smiling from ear to ear...hmmm, not sure any more.

I have spent so much of my time thinking about what will make others happy and doing my darndest to make sure they remain happy I've forgotten how to make myself happy without feeling selfish for doing so.

The last thing I would ever consider myself is someone who enjoys reading, but I am actually considering starting to read some type of self-help books. Okay Laura and Sonia pick up your jaws...yes, I actually said I may read without being forced to by a professor!!