A little something about nothing

Reality

Here I sit on a Saturday night at home on my computer. Who would have thought this is where my life would have lead me. A year ago I had this great relationship with my roommate and somehow never thought things would change, unless to get better.

I am not certain what has happened, and quite frankly I am tired of trying to figure it out, but something has completely changed between us. Yes, I know I talk about him a lot, but he is my roommate, someone I thought was a very close friend, possibly even a best friend and if you read previous entries, someone I thought may have one day been more. Now, I am lucky to even have a normal conversation with him. I thought I was moody?! He goes in these spurts and the only conversation we'll have in a day is "Good Morning" "hello" "what are you thinking of eating for dinner" "good night."

I do realize this month marks the 1st anniversary of his mothers death, but is that the only reason for this change? I won't deny in the beginning I kept thinking it was something I had done or said, but I have given him every opportunity to bring it up so we can work through it, but it still hasn't happened. He comes home from work late each night and stays in the back room. The first night he actually sat in the same room as me was the night he wanted to go out to a club. Hmmm, could this be because all his other friends are lame and he knows he can count on me. Why can he always count on me and I can't count on him?

Then today, we were having an okay day, then out of the blue he decides to "run erronds." Something we used to do together, but whatever, ya need your own time I can get that. He comes back and heads to the back room to watch TV alone. What is that?? Then when it would typically be time to get ready to go out he makes a drink and joins me in the living room. So I held my guns and made no mention of going out and hinted he should go back to the other room. Finally around 10:30 he gave up, went to the store to by alcohol so he could stay in and headed to the back room once again.

As much as I know in my head and heart I need to move on and quit focusing on him so much I can't. I keep trying, but then he does something that makes me rethink things and I go back to my overcaring, too nice self...I hate that!!!

YIKES, sorry about all this complaining...it is supposed to be a journal not a venting column! I will try to make the next one a tad happier, but thanks for listening/reading!!