Monkeys

Fall

I guess my title today has a double meaning. It is autumn, and that is partically what I want to talk about. That, and my personal fall.

Autumn in NY is beautiful. The leaves turn orange, red, pink and ultimatly a golden brown. Nothing like it....you can't imagine, pictures can't do it justice. The crisp beauty that envelopes you is amazing. It doesn't look like that here. While there are different colors, they appear dingy, not nearly bold enough. It smells like fall in NY, here it reminds me of death.

Autumn kicked off this week, with 2 days of depressing rain, followed by a chill that I couldn't seem to shake. The smell of fall in KC, compared to NY- is like death. And it humors me that no one here can recognize that. They know no different. I wish everyone could experience fall in NY.

Now for the other fall.....yesterday, I couldn't help but cry. I didn't feel good, and to top it off, Joshua couldn't do a thing right. Which wasn't truly the case. Granted, some of it, I know he does to see how much I can take. But yesterday, the things that I would normally brush off got totally blown out of proportion. I stood out on my patio crying....wanting to be home. In such a way. I love it here for the most part, but the last few months have just been bad. Outright. And now, the pressure is on hard core. So, my faith is slipping. And I know it. I am questioning what God has told me, not because I don't believe Him, but because I have to make sure I heard right.

Been rough for awhile now, and I need to get past it.
Please keep us in your prayers.....

Love,
Beckie