Spasmodic Contemplations

Thoughts of the day, though none too deep

Wow, it has been a while, hasn't it? Not that anyone cares, I mean, come on, how many people actually subscribe to my site? Well I should probably post anyway...it was starting to weigh on my conscience. Strange word...con-science. Haha, syzygy is a fun word; I was thinking about that yesterday, was thinking about it while I was walking around UAB's campus, since I had gone back for advising and all. Wow, being back in the city was great, it felt awesome, there was so much life and activity (well, not compared to during the fall and spring but still) and you could jsut feel the energy pulsing in the atmosphere and I could feel it seeping into me, consuming me and rejuvenating me. Before I left to go to UAB yesterday (June 8th), I had observed that "I could feel myself beginning to slowly drift into a state of pseudo-apathy" as I have told someone already...but going back, even for a few hours, was enough to bring me back. Yay! When I was there, I knew that that was where I belong, that I can be myself there and have no worries about others' preconceptions or prejudices because if I do encounter such things, I don't have to deal with it for very long. Someone told me I like school way too much, and I do in some ways, though I don't enjoy the unbelievable amount of work it demands. I just enjoy being away, being on my own, having my own life, and I actually do enjoy learning and hearing others' opinions and perceptions and so much more...it's not a bad thing to enjoy being in college is it? Who cares? I love it. Once the fall semester starts I will probably regret saying that...I'm scared of being that stressed out again, but then again, I'm so used to being stressed, it doesn't feel right to NOT be stressed.

I haven't done much thinking today, well not much useful, deep thinking. It's more like...longing...to be with this one person that I am so wrapped up in, to be with him, maybe just sitting around, or him holding me while we sit on the hood of his car and star-gaze and just listen to the silence and be at peace, or walking hand in hand along the beautiful beach that is fairly close to where he lives now...how amazing it would be, and yet I wonder if he even thinks of me...probably not. I know he doesn't think of me often; he told me so. I can't expect more than that, but I want so much more...I should probably just give it up, because even though he may want to be with me one day, he'll either change his mind or forget by the next. *sighs* but I'm just waiting for someone else to come along I guess, but I don't know if anyone will ever understand me better.