My True Soul

JUST WONDERFUL! (sarcasm)

At the moment,
I really really really hate myself.
Why?
I screwed up once again. I woke up at 9:07 this morning, totally missing my english lit quiz. It was at 8. I had set 3 alarms, dad called me, and drank an energy drink...still... nothing. So, now, what to do besides yell at myself and all those things? I'm going to go see my English professor at 1 because, yeah, I'm gonna tell her ... I don't know. I could tell her I was throwing up due to eating something bad...could tell her the truth. I think she'd respect the truth more. Going to apologize to her for missing class and the quiz, ask her how much the quiz was worth - points wise, and ask her about the extra credit option she assigned, along with asking her about stuff she mighta covered in class involving our next class and our final. I'll need the extra credit. The quiz might have counted 100 points... which means no matter what I'll probably still get a B, but hey, I'll be happy to get a B.
Yeah, the truth? Good approach, eh? I came back here because I felt like throwing up... stress and such and the fact I just don't wanna do anything. I want to go home so badly. I want to just be able to not be stressed out. This all means I'm about to go into this punish me kinda thing where I don't allow myself to do anything fun. Where all I do for the most part is sleep (let's face it, either i willingly do so or my body crashes) possibly eat...right now i don't think i'll be able to anytime soon, go to class, and do my work.
I feel like crying...perhaps I should...perhaps it would make me feel better.
The Extra Credit is on the movie ... um, I'll screw up the title. Passion of the Christ? right? perhaps. anyways, I've not seen it....could be a problem, eh? I have to do the extra credit so I have to go see it or I have to get someone that's willing to give me the time to like tell me everything I need to know. I should go see it... if it's even still on :-/ geez, I'm screwed.

Still feel like throwing up, cutting, whatever. See, this is a problem...how I feel inside about things like that... it's like my grades represent who I am, I cannot fail, therefore I push myself, but underneath...I'm such a freaking slacker or a as I would say...well... perhaps I shouldn't say all of what I think...

I think I'm going to ask another professor for advice, see what she thinks...what can I say, feel comfortable talking to her.
Only feel comfortable talking to 2 of them, possibly 3, one's my advisor.