Monkeys

Betting Kind of Gal

I'm not normally a betting kind of Gal.....but if I was, and I was only betting on things I was sure of, nothing "just by chance" I know exactly what I would bet on. And I would put anything on the line.

I would bet on my father.

Simply because I know exactly what he is going to do...in exactly what order ...and exactly when. And it is rather pathetic. I'm not talking about a daily routine of life though...I am talking about when it is that he some how finds another way to make me miserable.

He always does. And I know it is coming, but I don't know how to curb it. 22 Years now, of the same old stuff, and I don't know how to stop it. I suppose if I knew why it was coming, I could stop it then....because then I would know how to fix it in the first place.

Since the guys left here....it has been a bunch of crap. Started 2 days after they were gone. And hasn't stopped. Normally, this wouldn't get to me until at least after a full week. But it has been long enough. I am discouraged, and crabby. But worse yet, I am alone. I have no best friend here....Racheal is the closest I've got right now, and she and I are working opposite shifts and school is getting in the way for both of us. I don't know. I need to get out of this house, and go somewhere and not have it be work. I got to go out with my little brother Friday night for a few hours, and that was great. But then I had to take a bunch of crap for it.

I dunno. I am just in a funk. And, to top it off, it is Sarah's birthday and I can't seem to get ahold of her, Eric is having a bad day, Josh is at the movies, I am assuming Dave is there, Sota moved into her new appartment yesterday, so I don't want to bother her, Scottie isn't answering his phone, don't even know how to find Jeremy anymore, and Scott is probably with Sarah. Oh yeah, and I already talked to Kato once today, and we had a good conversation and I want to leave it at that. So, here I sit. Tired of explaining myself to people, tired of smiling at people I don't want to smile at, and needing a hug. With no one to give it to me.

Someone, please pray for me. It's really not bad all the time. Normally I just can close myself off. Or I would go out with Joey. Neither works anymore.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Okay- I feel better now, just needed to vent.

Oh, and to whomever cares, only 32 days until I make a brief appearance in KC and I'll be sporting my new earrings for the latest man made holes in my body. :)

Holding onto Hope,
Beckie