Monkeys

This is war Peacock!

Okay.....

Well, it didn't all boil to the top last night, because the 3 of us weren't there. Mandi didn't come home again, so I don't know what is going on.

She did finally open up to one of our friends (via phone) and gave a very lame excuse for leaving us all in the dust. I say lame, because it is something that could have been handled if she had said something. But ran instead. Again.

My head hurts so much, and it isn't something that will go away by pain killers. I have tried. But I don't want to even think about taking pills.

I was talking to Jeremy a bit earlier, and told him that I feel so lonely. I have had a lot of people at the house in the last few days, and it has been great. But I still feel so lonely. People are there...most of the time....or have been since this past weekend. And they are people who do care a lot....either for Sarah and I together, or seperatly. Some more than others, I suppose. But in the end, we have a good support system. But, I still don't know that things will be fine. Somewhere in the back of my head, I know this. But my heart is so ripped. It will take something or someone seriously special to open my heart back up, so I can finally see that it is going to be okay. More importantly, feel that it is going to be okay.

I just don't know anymore. I am truly at a loss. I can read all the journals, and talk to all of our friends.....but it isn't reassuring. Not all the way anyway.

I want to feel safe again, like my world isn't going to fall to pieces, and be ripped out from under me. Solid ground is what I want.


THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, no lie, Sarah and I have a notice posted on our apartment door that says "Notice: Be prepared to hug* upon entering and exiting. *This may include extra loving...we may need it."

That way, there is no guess work at all. People know that we need a little extra love right now....no one needs to ask, guess or worry that we may or may not. We do, and just so we don't have to repeat ourselves, the note is posted. :) Clever clever girls.....

Well, I am going to wrap this up, already longer than I thought it would be.

Pray people pray.

Still faithfully serving Him,
Beckie