A peek at the REAL Thumbster

I'm Back!!!!

WOW!!!!


Colors!!!!


Cooooooooooooool!!!!

No more pretending. Our "back button" and "history button" work too...


Cooooooooooooool!!!!

No more memorizing...

This thing can once again read CD's...

Hello Age of Kings

It's kinda like Christmas all over again.

I just reread my last journal entry...What a DORK If I start getting all preachy like that again...Somebody shoot me Okay? or push me off a tall building.

Seems we had a virus...according to the computer shop geeks..."A very nasty kinda virus" It no longer lives in this computer though. Why somebody would want to send us a virus has us stumped. We must be more careful what porn sites we check out in the future. Only virus-free porn sites for us from now on.

I really surprised myself with not being able to log on for those days...it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong...I really missed the people that I care about...but that was all. Like going on vacation and putting worries out of my head...or canoeing miles and miles from anyone else...pure freedom.

I remembered I had a life before the net...(not much of one mind you)...but a life all the same. I wasn't rushing home early just to log on. I remembered about TV...and watching rental movies with Mitchell. People could reach us at our home phone again. I TALKED with people again...neat.

In the spring and early summer I was thinking about poetry ALL the time...there were always 4 or 5 rumbling around in my head...these past days...NOTHING...no poems or stories. I now know that if I should quit writing cold turkey...that the first few days at least...shouldn't be so hard.

I did have a disturbing dream though. Usually I discount dreams as the mind just trying to make sense of that day's lessons...what to remember...what to forget. This dream was disturbing because of how I reacted in it...I was ashamed of my behavior.

I was in a seaside costal city...like Miami...with the big high rise buildings right on the beach. I was alone. I came upon several hundred police wearing full riot gear...all dressed in black...(plus they also had civil war era cannons too). They were preventing hundreds of people from making it to shore. The cops were slowly forcing the screaming crowd back into deeper water. I realized in the dream that cannons would be useless in those conditions...(with waves breaking over them)...but I also realized that they were to emphaisis that no one was to make it to shore. I just watched from the beach...among a crowd that had gathered. None of us objected in any way. We just watched as the last of the screaming people slipped under the water...then it was all quiet...and the onlookers began to realize that we could be next...that we shouldn't have seen what we saw...so we all scattered. Four of us ran directly across the street...into a building and into it's service elavator. I was the first to speak. I can't recall what exactly I had to say...but I knew we were all very worried and upset. I woke up and after falling back to sleep I picked up with the dream from where it had just ended. I can't recall much from then on...only that I was doing a lot of running.

I would have liked to think that I would have behaved better than that...especially in a DREAM. I was such a coward. I'd liked to think that when push came to shove...I would have at least tried to do SOMETHING. I believe it was Churchill that said...something to the effect that...

All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing

In the past...when push came to shove...I have reacted...instinctively...but forcefully too. True...no one was being killed...or even in any real danger of being killed.

I once was sitting on the stage in the gym of our community college...myself, girlfriend and best friend...during a noon hour. A fight broke out within touching distance of us. Fists flew and a crowd gathered. When one of them started to get the upper hand...something inside of my just switched to auto pilot. I didn't know either of the guys...or their friends that were encouraging them on. I jumped down off the stage and forced my way inbetween them...telling them to "Break it up"...which they did. I had no reason whatsoever to become involved...other than it felt like I should. My girlfriend was furious with me. She pointed out how stupid I had been...but at that moment in time...I made a split second decision to act...and to live with the concequences no matter what.

I've done simliar things...but in that dream...I abandoned everything I believed in just to save myself. Even though the whole thing had been a dream...I was ashamed with how I had reacted...and with how I probably would have reacted in real life after I thought about it later. I hate dreams.

I've searched high and low for a photogragh of myself and the boys...I can't find it anywhere. Talk about frustrating. Over the years I've avoided having my picture taken like the plague. If I saw a camera being aimed...I'd look away or step out of the shot. That was one of the few pictures I've ever seen of myself that I liked. I looked through the pic's my parents have of me...only 4 of me alone since I graduated high school That's it. Everybody else has pages and pages. I've dug up a few that I can live with being posted here...Same for my art...most of my recent slides I can't find...lots of older stuff.

Anyways...I've been waiting to see what this was going to cost before investing further in this computer. Tomorrow I hope to buy a scanner and a couple rolls of film for my 35mm. Hopefully I should have some pic's posted shortly.

I best go...there's another snowstorm outside right now...I'm not sure if I'm going out or not...I had planned to. If not...I have LOTS of journals to catch up on and LOTS of emails to write.

Take care. It's good to be back.

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