Fighting the Current

a fizzling ARRRRGH!

Been in a bad mood since this morning. I have been so tired since the car ride home, and I have no idea why. Like curl up and fall asleep tired. To bed early tonight I guess.

Wonderful, just wonderful. The dog has fourth degree Lyme Disease (i.e. the worst type). Three months of medication and then another blood test. They're waiting for more results. There's the possibility that he has other things or even auto-immune disease.

Praying about that and other things/people... Yes, I do pray. Granted, it's shaky and poorly directed, but it is some form of prayer...

Something I've discovered. When I'm having an unusually good day, something proportionally bad always happens. ("Always" is to the best of my recollection, but I have nothing against that conclusion right now.) But on bad days: "when it rains, it pours".

Have to go into school at 7 AM on Monday because of ride complications... So much for a leisurely first day back. And of course, the teachers will rip through the material to fit everything in for the mid-terms next week.

I didn't accomplish 98% of what I wanted to this break. Not that that's unusual, but I'm having trouble with happy thoughts right now. It's probably not helping me to have the news on. It's all Iraq. And war.

Getting salmon teriyaki for dinner. Watch something be wrong with it.

Cynical? Pessimist? Who, me?

This is one of those times when the fears begin to close in, bearing their teeth and snarling. There's fire in their eyes. Can't figure out how to starve them when there's so much fuel...

Weak comfort: It can always get worse.

I have to watch myself. Writing in my paper journal more often is causing me to mentally blur lines I'd prefer not to cross online.

Phantom IM dings again.

We're sending soldiers to the Persian Gulf. Bush is making last pleas for peace. Wars in the modern era start because both sides expect the other to back down before the fighting starts. The US can't back down, and Saddam has too much pride (perhaps [over?]confidence) release his grip.

I keep getting chills tonight.

I need the TV on for background noise. Otherwise I'd hear the noises the house makes, and I'd be even worse off.

I keep having to erase paragraphs. I'm too open tonight.

Bone chills.

::sigh::

I think I'm going to go write.

Or not. It's dark upstairs. I don't fear the darkness. There are just a lot of lights to turn on, and I prefer not to be upstairs when home alone. My house has a lot of odd shadows though, because of its setup.

Can't start any conversations with people tonight. When I need to, I can't... Not that I can usually strike up a sudden conversation, but I really really want to now.

Family is home. Dinner. And then writing upstairs.