Monkeys

ummmmm yeah

Hello my faithful readers,

Okay, things are going well. For the most part. Yes- I have a bad bad headache, but it will pass. That, I can assure you. A few new things for opinions. First off, like I said in the last post, my weekend just plain rocked, as did my monday (shock shock!). While talking to a friend about my weekend, he said to me " See, now you can have fun in New York, why do you have to leave?" Now, this friend was totally joking around, however it did bring on a whole new string of insecurities for me. For example, I am going to move so that I can be happy. I did have a great weekend here, so....why am I going to find happiness? NOw, make no mistake, I am happy here......for the most part. I just feel that it will be better there. Given all the circumstances. I am not going to stay in NY, but what if I go and I am not happy? You know? If I come back to NY to stay when I visit for Easter, I will feel like I have let Eric down. I will have to listen to "I Told You so's" from the rentals and sister....I dunno. And, I am quitting my job. IF I do have to come back, what bout that aspect? I dunno. Those are things flying through my mind. I am going to move. Make no mistake of that. At all. I am going. But all of these things just hit me. You know what else? I decided tonight, that part of me just might be afraid that I will love it there. Like...too much. You know? I dunno. I am rambling. Yeah so anyways.

~The Bek

*note- this was copied and pasted- actually written on Tuesday night.*