Monkeys

Fear

I have this fear. My fear is simply that everyone who I ever trust again will use me and leave me. Why? Because the first person that i ever loved enough to settle down with did that. I know that the people in my life now are not going to do that. But subconsciencly, I just know that they will. I can't shake this feeling. Yes- my wall is starting to drop down. And I am starting to let people into my heart. I know in my head and in my heart that I can trust "them." But, I have these times when I just kind of sit back and look at the situation, and wonder if I am letting people in too prematurely. I don't think so. I mean, it isn't like I am just letting it all happen all over again, it is just that I don't want it to. So, therefore, I have to keep an eye on my heart. Does anyone know what I mean?

Yeah, okay- so I am rambling. So....yeah. Have a good night everyone!

~Bek