Journal

depression

depression. right now it seems to be sufficating me. everyone around me is depressed. i am trying so desperately hard to be cheerful but it isn't working out too well. this has been a weird couple of weeks, one of my friends told me that he is in love with his best friend. this is the same friend who just lost a grandmother. one of my friends is completemplating sucide, she sent me a good bye note. one of my friends is trying to choose between her 2 boyfriends. 2 of my friends are being abused by their girl/boyfriends. one started drinking again. a person i thought was my friend turned out to be just a person that i hang out with when neither of us have anyone else to hang out with. and one of my kinda friends just kinda came out. he has slept with guys but i think he is confused and scared. oh and i'm struggleing in algebra. i'm a 4.0 student!!!!!!!!!
but i seem to spreading enough oil to cover jsut about everything, just about enough. but not quite.
i feel like i am loseing more and more innocence every day. i don't really like it. i don't want to know about my friends getting drunk/ high and doing some weird shit. i just don't want to know. why can't i just stay in my little world of big tee shirts and saturday morning cartoons? why when i hang out with my guy friend everyone thinks i am dating him.
oh remember all that stress i was talking about in the 1st paragraph? well all of my friend's parents think that their children are perfectly ok and it is me that is freaking out. so they are pressuring my friends to stay away from me! lol, ironic isn't it?