Journal

communication

me, myself and i. lately i have been thinking about comunicating. most people i know feel this strong need to comunicate. i suppose that all people have the need to communicate in one way or another. i have quiet friends who depend on body lanuage for their main source of communication.
Is it something about being a teen? It seems like we just want to talk about ourselves. maybe it isn't like this every where but here it is. i made most of my close friends by just sitting with them and listen (or pretend to listen) to them rant and rave about their lives. most of the time it is just about how their crush isn't paying them any attetion or how no one understands them.
some times it is some really serious stuff like their parents fight physically with each other or they had attempted sucide the night before. the area that i live in has one of the highest sucide rates in the nation. about 6 of my friends have attempted or seriously considered sucide. i have been so lucky, none of them have succeded. what do you say to a person who comes to school with their arms all bandged or comes from the hospital after getting their stomaches pumped? glad to have you back? are you going to the football game on friday?
or do you just pretend nothing has changed? only 2 of my friends have had professional help but to them it is just a joke. i don't think that they have had any "life changing" break throughs. is this what the teenage years are? self discovery? self involvement? i am not saying that i am not self centered, i know i am, just 5 minutes ago my friend was talking to me about nothing basicly, i know that i am the only one she feels she can talk to like this but for some reason i just didn't care. i knew what she was going to say. and i am thinking about our conversations, she controls them basicly. we talk about her, and if the opionion isn't hers it isn't right. i don't know, maybe i am just feeling bitter right now.
but don't you ever feel like when some one is talking to you about their problems you just want to yell shut up you have been bitching forever! it seems like with my friends the closer we are the more crap i have to hear. gosh i know this sounds bitchy but i don't feel comfortable talking to anyone about this. why? because i know what it feels like to have a friend that in public is happy and the life of the party but in private she/he is just depressed and wallowing in self pity. i do not want to be like that.
so will these friendships make me bitter and jaded? at the moment it seems so. i just recently moved so i am slowlyyyyyyyy making new friends, most of them are guys, and i have noticed that with stright guys the coversation isn't really about feelings and stuff. maybe that will be good for me. hopefully, i don't want to just tune people out anymore. why are teen years so stressful???!!?!!!!