Journal

horrid day

yesterday was one of "those" days. parts of my past came up and bit me in the ass, things i thought i had delt with hit me head on. and no one could or wanted to understand. i was in a crowd of people screaming for help but anyone who came to me came because they needed comfort. i don't have nervous break downs offten. i am usually pretty together, but i had to experience the worst night of my life over and over again. i was with a group of friends, they were all happy and cheery. teasing each other and laughing. but as i sat there i could remember the blood, the screaming, that afwul crash of metal on metal. i can remeber how time just slowed down and then suddenly sped up. i can remember the baby crying. my friends were just laughing away, someone had told a raunchy joke. i see the grocries on the pave ment. the whole trunk of the car has been pushed into the back seat.
my parents no longer think much of me. i used to be smart, witty, carming and trustworthy. now they think i am a spoiled brat. am i? i don't think so. i am just trying to figure everything out and it is like i am forced to do it all alone. my friends are too wraped in their problems and have no patinence for me. i do not tell anyone anything until i feel safe. and around that part they get bored of the silence and tell me somthing that i have already heard about. am i easly to confide in? i don't know. i don't know anything right now