Fighting the Current

sad anniversary

The date has been so hard to write the date today.

I was fine all through the Mass today. A little teary-eyed, but fine.

They gave out lolly-pops in homeroom. Red, white, and blue stars that said "Remember 911" on them. I thought that that was so... I don't know. A testament, I guess, to commercialism. I don't need a lolly-pop to tell me to remember. Yes, it was a nice thought for them to get those for us, but candy isn't going to make everything better -- especially if it's sour candy (I had green apple...). Apparently though, no one else found anything wrong at all with eating something like that. It just seemed wrong to me...

So I went through the day, all morning looking at my watch. "This time last year we were huddled in Room 8 watching the towers collapse..." and so on and so forth...

I was doing alright until 8th period Theology. We went into the chapel and our teacher (a nun) put in a CD with a chant set to music and for ten minutes had us reflect. It was really windy outside and the trees were moving, casting shadows on the stained glass. The windows were shimmering. Every once in a while (usually at a break in the music) the wind would buffet one of the windows, making loud booming and thumping noises. A plane went over during the meditation, and everyone was looking up or out the windows. Just having nothing to occupy me made it so hard not to start all-out crying... I looked around at the people sitting around me. It looked like they were all fighting it too, even the people I could never imagine crying.

"When we return, 300 people are still trapped..." TV today is awful.

I can still remember a ton of pictures I've seen in magazines and on TV last year. One that sticks in my mind really well is one of a woman in a business suit standing in the middle of a deserted street. She was looking horrified and confused and like she had no idea where to go or what to do. She was covered in ash and blended in with the street and the buildings. I think there was some smoke hanging in the air behind her.

They should not make September 11 a national holiday. Holidays are for celebration. I see very little to celebrate.

I also saw less flags out today than I had expected. Most of the flags on poles I saw today were half-mast--at least people did that. I didn't see half as many flags or flag patterned decorations on houses as I did in the weeks following September 11, 2001.

I should get going. I still don't feel well.