Sarah's Life

These are the moments..

These are the moments I hate...

The moments where you suddenly realize just how alone you are. The moments where you realize you won't get to feel his arm around you again.

All I want is for his arms to be around me, and to hear his voice in my ear telling me it will be alright... that everything is going to be alright. To feel at peace there in his arms, as I always did.

But all that is gone now.

I hate the moments when you realize that. When you look at something and it sharply reminds you that you don't have them, and that you've lost them forever.

Forever is a long time, people have been fond of telling me. I guess if I can't love someone forever, I can be without them forever, and the difference is minimal.

And when I've said that I'll love someone forever, I have. I'm still in love with all three of them... though it has changed in so many ways now. So many ways. And only with one is there still friendship. Only with two would I still put my life on the line... and with one of those it's because they are still too close to my heart.

I hate these moments. I hate realizing that I'm not going to call him tomorrow morning first thing after I wake up. I hate knowing that I won't talk to him tomorrow, or the next day, or for weeks after that. I hate realizing that I'm not going to be able to tell him my problems, and go to him when I feel sad. His arm are no longer there to comfort me, his voice is no longer the first and last thing I hear each day.

I hate it. I hate feeling alone, I hate being alone. But I hate it more now than I ever have before. He was more to me than any before. And it's over. Very very much over. And there's nothing I can do about it. He needs to grow and move on, and so do I.

These are the moments when I don't want to sleep, because my dreams are so much better than life...

Kgirlfae ~ Wanting