Sarah's Life

Time slips by...

Isn't it amazing how time just slides past you, and doesn't bother to tell you that it's leaving you hanging by the side of the road?? I woke up this morning, and realized just how fast the past year and a half have gone. A year and a half ago, I wasn't even the same person, yet here I am. Much of my foolish beliefs in the wonders of man have been stripped away, and I am no longer the girl behind the mask that I was before. Maybe the masks have just changed... I'm not sure.

18 months ago, I was busy pushing all the people I was close to as far away from me as possible. I destroyed friendships that meant the world to me, and I didn't give a damn. I liked the feeling of isolation. I liked feeling in control of others emotions, when I wasn't even in control of my own.

13 months ago, I started dating Elyas. I thought he was my soul mate... Dear Goddess, how could I have been so stupid? Here I was, ready to throw away my future for a guy who was 2 years older than me, and had absolutely no future. Well, unless you count a low-end job as a future... I don't. I gave up friends, I gave up on school, and I destroyed my relationship with my parents. How naive can a person be?

7 months ago, I broke up with Elyas. You could call this my awakening, but it really wasn't. Sure, I had to break up with him to maintain a working realationship with my parents. But I always kept hope that he and I would end up together. I hinged my life upon it. ICK. Again - naive. He promised he would wait... but, HELLO?? 19 year old with no girlfriend... I had to be kidding myself.

4 months ago, Elyas rippped my soul out strand by strand. He burned me down to the inner depths of my walls, and left me bare. And then he expected me to forgive him. I think not. I was jarred out of the one dream I had that was keeping me going. Thank the Blessed Lady it came 2 days before winter break. I didnt' have to deal with school at the same time, and I had the opportunity to redirect my life. I confessed my affections for a close friend of mine... granted, I did so to him on the phone... not exactly an easy way to do so... but hey, I've always been the type to set myself up for failure.

Lucky me - I didn't fail! :)

3 months ago, I started dating Munchie (whom my cousins have now taken to calling Moochie, lol). He has always been a friend, and he was one of the people who caught me when I fell. Thanks to him, I no longer feel like the world is out to get me, and I think my soul has been restored. The slow aching pain that resulted from my disillusionment of Elyas has now faded, and while I still feel like ripping Elyas' balls off (or better yet, taking a cheese grater to them), I don't think I would actually act upon those impulses.

A year and a half ago, if I had had the chance to meet myself as I am today, I don't think I would have recognized myself. A year an a half ago, I would have been scarred shitless of my future. I always thought I was the one in control of time, but it ran me over, and keep on going down the road (45 MPH above the speed limit, may I add).

It's been an odd year and a half...

Great... here goes the next one...


Kgirlfae ~ Wanting