Sarah's Life

Time for Fae to ramble again - Ramble #2

Have you ever been so lost that you don't know who to turn to, what to say, or where you're going? Have you ever had so many people who cared about you, but still felt all alone? Have you ever just felt like the world was crumbling around you, and there was nothing you could do?

My world's gone numb again. I'm finding it harder and harder to breath, and I have no clue who to turn to. My usual pillars of support are looking to me for support right now, and I have just alienated one of them, due to my own inability to act like a civil human being, instead of this cold-hearted manipulative bitch I have become used to acting like. So who should I turn to? I need to talk to someone, more importantly, someone who knows me well enought to give me the advice I need, yet all the people meeting that description are out of business for the moment.

Recently, my whole world has crumbled around me. I've lost friends, I'm quitting choir (which happens to be one of the few things actually keeping me sane), and I'm questioning the decisions I've made in my life up until this point - namly the ones concerning what I want to do with my life. See, up until recently I wanted to be a marine biologist, but now I'm considering teaching biology. And at the same time, I'm realizing that science really isn't my thing, so shouldn't I be doing something I enjoy more than poking around in dead sharks for the rest of my life? GRRARG! And the choir thing is bumming me majorly, and to make it worse, I'm not even sure WHY I'm quitting, just that I am. So far my excuse is that I don't have the time, and that I don't want to be in a temp in the middle of January, but I'm not sure that's the real reason. Choir's always been very important to me - I've been in choirs forever, and I've always loved it. Yet all of a sudden I'm quitting.

I just bloody love my life.

Can I trade you?

So anyways. Also complicating matters is the fact that a good friend that I lost a year ago is now talking to me again (apparently). We've made up (to some extent) and now he wants to get right back on track with our friendship. The problem is that I've always had a thing with letting this guy push me around, manipulate me, and generally make my life hell. I'd consider him my bad habit. And yet I'm still considering trying to make a friendship work with him again. Am I that much of a bloody fool? (Insert answer: yes)

GRRAARG!

Kgirlfae ~ Wanting