Sarah's Life

Numb

How numb can a person get? How far into ones self can a person draw, and still remain a person? How do you get rid of the numbness? And once you do, how do you live with the pain?

The numbness has come upon me again. It's different this time... I'm not sure how or why, but it's different. Maybe it's because I've realized that no matter how painful things are, there is always a better future.

The numbness has come upon me again. I know why it's there. I know that I've been going through too much for my brain to handle. I'm on auto pilot. I don't know how do get off auto pilot though. Eventually I will.

There's that accursed word again. "Eventually". Have you ever noticed how long it takes to reach "eventually"? Forever. Eventually things will be different, I know they will, they have to be. Eventually the pain will go away.

When the numbness leaves, then what? I get to deal with the pain. There's alot of pain, alot of heartbreak. So much pain... How do we survive? Everyone goes through this at some point, or so I've heard, how do we get through it all?

Are we meant to live in pain? Isolated? I think we are so destined. What is the purpose of the pain then? To teach us love and compassion? No. To teach us to survive. Survival is all that matters in this world. Not happiness, not love.

So then why love? A brief respite from the pain? But in the end it causes more pain. Then why? Why do we love? To convince ourselves that there is something more than pain? To convince ourselves we can get rid of the pain?

I hate the numbness.

Yet I embrace it.

Kgirlfae ~ Wanting