GWEEP!

Guinea Pigs 60th Anniversary Special

Angus Brosnigag's 'Naughty Lupine Productions in the pocket of the Mouse' proudly presents...

[Sound Effect: A strange, wheezing, distorted gweeping sound followed by a distinctive thump]

[A small blue police box appears in the Newsfeed]

GUINEA PIG NUMBER 10 (GRAHAM, dressed in a skinny brown suit and sporting a slightly spiky fur effect): Allons-y!!

GUINEA PIG NUMBER 4 (RALPH, who has a large floppy hat and a long stripey scarf): Who'd like a jelly baby?

GUINEA PIG NUMBER 6 (TOBY in an outfit that brings together the style of a patchwork quilt specialist with the colour sense of a deranged fruit bat on some seriously fermented fruit): All change, and not a moment too soon.

THE GUINEA PIGS 60th ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL - WHO'D OF THOUGHT IT?

(With Special Guest Star GUINEA PIG NUMBER 3 (GREGORY), as 'The Gweep!'

(GRAHAM and RALPH regard TOBY thoughtfully)

RALPH: Toby old chap, what on earth are you wearing?

TOBY: Just something I threw together.

GRAHAM: It looks like you crawled through a tube of glue then rolled in cloth samples.

TOBY: Enough of this banter. Why are we all here at the same time? Isn't that sort of thing supposed to stretch the time lines or some such? [short pause] Actually I would like a jelly baby please.

RALPH (Passing a jelly baby to Toby): You know what's nice about this Newsfeed? It's not a blooming quarry.

[Enter GUINEA PIG NUMBER THREE (GREGORY - remember him?)]

GREGORY: Gweep!

[Exit GREGORY]

TOBY: Thanks Gregory, your cheque is in the post.

GRAHAM: Look! A dinosaur!

RALPH: That's not a dinosaur, it's a dinosaur shaped piece of processed chicken in breadcrumbs. once popular in the 1980's.

TOBY: Well we are time travellers.

[Sound Effect: A strange, wheezing, distorted gweeping sound followed by a distinctive thump - again!]

GUINEA PIG NUMBER 13 (GWENDOLYN (Dressed as though she is a BIG fan of 'Mork and Mindy'): Come on you lot, this is dreadful, they want something edgy.

[RALPH, TOBY, and GRAHAM all stand open mouthed]

RALPH: WHO on earth is that?

TOBY: Exterminate. Exterminate!

RALPH: Toby, must you say that every time you eat a jelly baby?

TOBY: Affirmative Master.