Evolution of Love 2

MOTHER COMES, EVER COMES

Day before Shiva Ratri, 1956, a tonga was moving fast along the main road of Vrindaban. Attention of the passers-by was drawn by a tumultuous crowd and some cars inside the precincts of a temple. All of a sudden a car rushed through the gate and unexpectedly halted a few steps ahead. Lo!Mother was there. While passing. She caught sight of me sitting in the tonga, stopped her car and called me.. I ran to her and bowed down. Ma enquired what had brought me there. I told her that I had come on an official visit to Mathura and Vrindaban.
I did not know that Ma would be there and the scene suggested that some thing unusual was taking place. Ma told me that Lord Shiva was going to be installed in the Ashram next day and asked me to attend the function. Mother's presence and the prospects of spending some time round Her struck all the chords of my heart.. Thus came Mother to her son.
Again, on the eve of Holi, some of my relatives went to Vrindaban and paid
their homage to Mother who was then staying there to observe the festival of Love.
Centuries ago, the Blue Boy had played His flute and danced there in tune with the heart-beats of His playmates and milk-maids. Perhaps their associations took visible shapes and Mother decided to pass the occasion on the bank of Yamuna to put a new life into the old leela. She observed Holi in Vrindaban in 1956 and 1957. Learning that the visitors were my relatives, Mother said to one of them. "Write to Upen that his daughter wants to meet her father" I got the message, but could not go to Vrindaban immediately and wrote enquiring if the daughter would come to father or the son should go to the Mother. The letter did not reach Mother for a long time and so a reply was not received. Then I did not know that Mother would actually come to Her son.
I had the privilege of Ma's darshan again at Varanasi in May, 1956.during her 60 birthday celebrations. On that festive occasion, Mother was extremely busy. but She was all sweetness and love. Like a pillar of light She was moving from place to place and bringing joy to all around Her. In my presence whenever She met a group of devotees, She would refer to an old incident in a jocular mood and tell them. "I went with this Baba to Dehradun side, but Baba went away leaving me behind".
About 28 years ago I had accompanied Mother to Sahasradhara. On my way. back, as already arranged, I took leave of Her and the party at Rajpur and prepared to go to Mussoorie. I retorted most humbly, saying "A son may leave a mother, but a mother cannot leave her son". All present, including the Mother enjoyed the fun. Like a true mother, She fed me sumptuously before I left Varanasi. I cast my last lingering look at her lotus feet. The whole atmosphere was charged with Her divine spirit and every thing seemed to have been softened with Her overflowing love.

Mother comes

In 1957 Seth Gujar Mal Modi informed me that Mother would be spending a week at Modinagar after Holi and more than one hundred sadhus and devotees. would be accompanying Her. My joy knew no bounds. I was waiting impatiently for the day when Mother would come.
An elaborate arrangement was made to receive Her in a garden house outside. the town. A big pandal was erected on an extensive lawn for Rasa leela, lectures, bhajan etc. and at some distance a shamiana was ready for Akhand Kirtan. Tents were pitched to accommodate 400 persons. Hundreds of mango trees smiling through blossoms and multi-coloured flower-beds dancing breeze called visitors to a place of rest. My joy was not unmixed with a sense of sorrow, for Board's examination would begin soon and I would be almost a prisoner in one of the biggest examination centres.
Mother arrived in the evening. At Her bidding, the procession was abandoned, a big crowd headed by Shri Modi accorded Her a most respectful welcome with garlands and arti. I saw her from a distance. A stream of people went to Her room for darshan and Modiji saw me standing outside and called me in. Mother gave at broad smile and said "I knew you were here, someone told me. Did you write to me?" I replied. "I wrote a long time ago, not recently. I was thinking of coming to Vrindaban this time during the Holi but could not." Mother said, "Why did you not go; there was mahárása at Modinagar". Programme for the week was indeed attractive

Hari Baba's Kirtan 4 AM
Rasa leela 8.30 AM-11.30 AM
Lectures and bhajans 2 PM-5.30 PM

Mother received visitors anytime when free between 10 AM and late hours at night. After lectures in the pandal, She led kirtan chanting in a melodious tone and recited Divine names for about 15 minutes, in which all present joined in a state of forgetfulness, so that several thousands behaved as one man. They seemed to have lost their identity in a living presence of the Divine.
Hari Baba's life was a lesson to all. He would follow the programme like the hands of a clock and would remain all absorbed in what he said. He remained oblivious to the world outside, He lived and moved in a world of his own. He fanned the actors considered as Krishna and his companions at the leela, rang a big bell at kirtan and talked about the glories of devotees in his discourses. His single pointed devotion, self-forgetfulness and tenacity of purpose marked him out as a saint of outstanding nature and ability. In fact he was the master of ceremonies there.
One day some of us were sitting in Mother's room. Mother hinted at self knowledge as the Supreme Knowledge. It is essential, Bhajan is the means, but it becomes spontaneous. No one can do it. Did She mean that Bhajan goes on automatically once the spritual energy is roused by the grace of the Guru? Then Ma said "What about death? Death has to die; it has to be killed." At this stage Modisaheb ushered two gentlemen into Mother's presence. One was Raj Pandit of the Patiala Darbar and another was Seth Narain Das Bajoria, a man of culture and learning. They were introduced and Mother began to talk again of Supreme Knowledge." What exists is one, it has become many and appears in several forms. You have come to yourself." The ensuing conversation :

Pandit - Are you Maitreyi?
Mother- I am your little daughter.
Pandit - You are Gargi, who had discussions with Yagnavalka.
Mother - I ain what you like to call, your little girl. I know nothing and
often talk nonsense.
Pandit- No, you are Gayatri.

The Pandit recited some slokas in great joy and took leave. Shri Bajoria, who as a rule avoided the company of women, sat quietly in all humility. Later he told me that when he saw Mother for the first time at Hardwar, he saw his own mother who had died long time ago and he could not restrain his tears. He wept for about half an hour. He felt the presence of Divine Mother in her.
Two days after I was detained in the college for conducting examinations and felt sorry that Ma had come so close but I could hardly have her darshan. To my great joy, Ma sent words that She would visit the college. Mother arrived accompanied by Mrs. Gujarmal Modi, some sanyasis and brahmacharis. I conducted the party to Geeta Bhawan, a hall with life size paintings of saints,
patriots, gods and godesses. Ma and her companions were seated on a raised platform. Ma took the lead in kirtan music joined by the rest of us.

Who is Ma?

In a brief speech I informed the audience how about 28 years ago in Haridwar I had the privilege of watching Ma in a state of samadhi (trance) that lasted for hours. I described how she was brought down to a normal condition with much difficulty uttering the Divine Name into Her cars and how spiritual symptons (lakshans) manifested themselves in the process of Her descent to normalcy. Further, I recounted Her own statement that Ma had no previous birth, nor would have another. Then what was She? Most humbly, I requested Ma to tell us who She was. As usual, Ma avoided the answer and said softly, "What shall I say?"
On our request, Ma addressed the students and advised: "Get up early in the morning and take Divine Name that appeals to you, touch the feet of your parents, attend to your studies, obey your elders, speak the truth and play as much as you like." Like a simple child she looked at me and said that she had nothing more to say. Out of Her infinite grace, Mother came to our college and turned the place into a place of pilgrimage with the touch of her lotus feet.
When I became free I went to the summer house in the morning and spent the whole day there, attending the Rasa leela, taking part in the bhandara, listening to lectures and kirtan. I could see Mother from a distance. She was sitting like a statue at the Rasa and was chanting the divine name moving in a circle with a party of singers from Delhi.
In the afternoon came to learn that a respectable lady pressed Mother to show her some supernatural forms. Ma told her in that case she would lose all touch with the world. The lady persisted. She is reported to have seen a dazzling light (jyoti) and screamed loudly. The lady said that it was all Mother's grace.
After sunset a Brahmachari conducted me to Mother. His Holiness Swami Sadananda Tirtha of Shankara Math, Uttar Kashi, was there. I told Ma that I would retire (from service) tht next July. I reminded Her that six years ago Ma had advised me to accept the Modinagar assignment for one term.
The following conversation took place :

Ma — Where will you settle?
I — I have a smal house at Kashi and may stay there.
Ma — Oh yes, Kashi is an excellent place. Gopi Baba (Mahamahopadhyay Gopi Nath Kaviraj) is there. When you go there we shall be meeting in the evenings.
I — Then I shall go to Kashi.
Ma — Yes, you do. You have seen all about this life. According to Yogis, Kashi is the centre of illumination-Ajnachakra, the seat of Shiva and Shakti, above the earthly existence.
The word evening is significant. Does it mean the evening of life? A child plays the whole day and longs for the mother when darkness gathers with the approaching night. Sunset and the evening star, one clear call for me. Mother's call is clearly heard when the bustle of life subsides. She calls us day and night. Who cares to hear? She comes without fail. Who cares to see? She knocks at the door again and again. Who cares to open ? She goes back with tears in Her eyes. Who cares to know? The child plays with toys in a doll house, awfully busy, no time to spare for Her. Wife and children, gold and fame, absorb our attention. We ignore the presence of Mother. She comes, ever comes as sights and sounds, as thoughts and feelings, as pleasure and pain.
Wise people say that Ma is a temporal expression of the eternal spirit-a special creation of the Divine - an emanation of the ultimate Reality, whose manifestation is the universe. She is in and beyond everything. Her vast presence overwhelms me and creates a gap between a tiny creature, such as I, and a mighty one who transcends all limits. These ideas are indispensable to those who move in and build up a system of ideas with reference to a universe of discourse. They dive deep into the mystery of life and present the world with bright gems of rare wisdom.
I am a fool with very little understanding and dare not measure the un measurable. I want Mother, mostly human-a mother who can move on my level and respond to my feelings. It is enough that I have got one. I am not at all anxious to know if She had any Guru, human or Divine-if She is ever established in Brahman, as a part of Her nature. I do not bother about Her actual position in the hierarchy of gods, angels or exalted souls. She is the Mother who lives for Her children and fills up gaps in their lives. If we feel thirsty let us take a glass of water. What is the use of knowing the amount of water in a river? If we cannot do without Mother, Mother too cannot do without us. If we leave the toys and cling to Her She appears everywhere in the blue above and the green below. Her smiling face is seen through every visible form and every neutral state.
She comes, comes, ever comes.