SuperNova Afterglow: End Of Days

Inside The Social Construct - Who We Are Meant To Be

When coming to terms with identity, it shouldn't be sexuality or gender that we're grappling with, but humanity, and within in that, morality and how it acts as a compass for our behavior in society. Aren't we just a little confused on the edge of conformity, looking out at the sea of possibility, where we are restrained from really getting a good view? Why are we constantly mired in debate about our basest desires when we struggle to come out as the rare, unidentifiable unicorn that even eludes our own grasp? We are in some kind of conundrum/mystery (not meant to be a riddle), on display and not wholly alone within ourselves, nurturing our every whim and desire to seek what suits us best, without shame or remorse for outcomes. We second guess, triple guess, and more because we factor too many things and think too much with that brain that's rewired, recircuited through a labyrinth of mazes we shouldn't puzzle with but pass right through. Why leap? Why dig under? Why the hell are we going all the way around to those horizons we dare to glimpse, imagine possibility?

I could walk out into the world and trip on the sidewalk of life because of a crack and blame myself, call myself stupid, rather than accept these obstacles are difficult and not meant to be easy. We are on a journey, an adventure, and we must assume there are lions and tigers and bears and might get eaten. That shouldn't scare us, but exhilarate, because we can overcome if we choose not to be scared but daring to stare down the uneven pathway and yell louder than the blood thirsty creatures lurking about.

But, we also have to get a handle on how we are to proceed and need a compass. Wouldn't that be a lovely tool to figuring out just exactly what we are before 90 years of life sails past and we still haven't reached the precipice to understanding? To even view our brilliant sunrise dappling a water flowing beneath a heavenly construct glowing in our eyes?


I'll take a minute to consider what I just wrote and how it applies, because this is just one flowage of feelings of words surfacing on a long journey where I rest by a sign post that I read from another writer on the internet. I know they are searching for themselves, as am I, and share now their beautiful struggle and scrawling to share with others to absorb like a ray of light from that horizon we're all summiting:

https://www.passagesnorth.com/passagesnorthcom/2021/8/13/when-you-dont-get-bette...

And I might ruin it by reiterating, I am not confused about gender or sexuality, but that I am a monster that could wreak ruin upon another because I lack the right amount of humanity to conform to society's standard ethos, in a world that would push back if I don't act nice, behave as others inside the construct? That I am living down every base impulse deemed wrong since I could crawl?

"Poetic Referendum(s) On Life" 

I do have a secret to understanding and watching a human up close melt down and rebuild day-after-day because of what society and oneself imposes harshly without a moment's consideration for unity within one another. Hmm. Vague?

On the Camille Ferguson piece:

I only read it once and thought: 'get out of my head', until it turned in directions I would not go, but came back to me time after time. Great potential for a young writer who has surpassed me and would never consider me on their journey, except to acknowledge a word or two. There is a struggle revealed in these words boiled down to a reviewer's restricting introductory descriptions that identify with the gamut of sexual and gender identity. Can we just consider the writer expresses foremost revelations of humanity and how who we are, and not solely about what gender or types of people we desire? I think this is where the world has gotten stuck in this liberation battle, like looking at the edge of something instead of looking past it to the horizon. There are greater monsters out there and yet the greatest resides within us, and how do we navigate within our DNA and how it is instructed?

The writing was expressive and visual and seemed like a focused stream of consciousness that is grasping for meaning, to which I can relate. I've often said, I write to discover, but especially myself.

9.7.21

This was just a quick and raw reaction to Ferguson's piece and wondered if this is a man identifying as a woman. I don't want to be quick to assume, but seemed a natural conclusion to draw. Should I reread, or reconsider what I have written here, I might further fathom the piece and/or my own thoughts displayed here, warts and all (suggesting the potentiality for ignorance on display in full or part).

Me: Life is a slow burn you get used to rather than salve to overcome, because it's persistent and unforgiving while desire for Truth is grasping at tenuous constructs that fall apart from the most tender grip.

Leonard:
Like tears, it rains.