10k views, 2x BestPoetryCollection. A nothing from nowhere cast words to a world wide wind |
when you look at a line of text and each eye wants to go the other direction on that page. humbled like the day 20 years ago, after sized for a walking cane, was taught to use it, led by a government employee up and down my block to tap, tap, tap the reflective thing like this and like that that comes up just under my arm pit to fit i don't know where it is now and i don't want to use it i want to drive a car fast i want to chase the orange globe across the hardwood, to dribble, juke, shimmy, side step defense and hoist another three pointer people hated me and my cane 20 years ago how can you be blind and drive? i didn't know the short answer and knew nothing would actually suffice i had never felt that kind of hate, but not hard to absorb with a gut full of the lifetime lunch I've had full it how can you write and be blind how can you be stupid and ask questions like that? no not that's not me i'm forced to think it, not how i was taught to react don't want these feelings I get for people who scorn a cringe-fool with their decisive judgment what hurt them? We used to say, 'what crawled up their butt?' that they want to hurt me? oh, well?? no strength to roll eyes anymore. I've written this much so far without really casting an eye to illuminated laptop screen above the keyboard where I don't see my hands either. I'm in my head and drifting away for the moment. I'm thinking of all the words I could write, places I could be, where i be cooooolllll.... back to reality back to here back to the same schoolyard mentality of judgment and have a nice trip, see you next fall or coming in just when everyone at the treehouse is having a vote and you get the gist nobody wants to ask questions, understand why do i envision a dirty, snot-nosed, twisted little kid? it's that easy to hate? how? oh, the good act. it's a façade. sad. i learned the meaning of gaslighting and true narcissism. i didn't need to understand, but i wasn't getting the message apparently, so i became a study of stupid people. I want(ed) to contribute, be a part, have fun, launch that orange globe so many times the sun never sets. Now, i put the ball down on the pavement, motherless and lay in the summer grass, cooling as black fills a vault over my sweaty noggin until 'up' isn't there any more and it's just me in abyss of nothingness and i feel fresh, rest and be happy here alone until some stone skipper comes along and wants to know what i'm doing is that stupid, i ask. they lay in the grass and ask what i'm looking at i describe it then we just be coooolllll.... if i have to be blind I want friends like You. 6.15.24 five minutes in my habitual dark. you wouldn't last. and i still review. i'll give it all away. but won't prove anything. at least, i know something. |