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Printed from https://writing.com/main/books/action/view/entry_id/1072712
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Rated: 18+ · Book · Spiritual · #1149750
10k views, 2x BestPoetryCollection. A nothing from nowhere cast words to a world wide wind
#1072712 added June 15, 2024 at 10:49pm
Restrictions: None
haters all be like
when you look at a line of text and each eye wants to go the other direction on that page.
humbled
like the day 20 years ago, after sized for a walking cane,
was taught to use it,
led by a government employee up and down my block
to tap, tap, tap the reflective thing
like this and like that
that comes up just under my arm pit to fit
i don't know where it is now
and i don't want to use it
i want to drive a car
fast
i want to chase the orange globe across the hardwood, to
dribble, juke, shimmy, side step defense and hoist
another
three
pointer

people hated me and my cane 20 years ago
how can you be blind and drive?
i didn't know the short answer
and knew nothing would actually suffice
i had never felt that kind of hate, but
not hard to absorb with a gut full of the lifetime lunch I've had
full it

how can you write and be blind
how can you be stupid and ask questions like that?
no
not that's not me
i'm forced to think it, not how i was taught to react
don't want these feelings I get
for people who scorn a cringe-fool with their decisive judgment
what hurt them?
We used to say, 'what crawled up their butt?'
that they want to hurt me?
oh, well??

no strength to roll eyes anymore.

I've written this much so far without really casting an eye to illuminated laptop screen
above the keyboard
where I don't see my hands either.
I'm in my head and drifting away for the moment. I'm thinking of
all the words I could write, places I could be, where i be cooooolllll....

back to reality
back to here
back to the same schoolyard mentality of judgment and
have a nice trip, see you next fall
or coming in just when everyone at the treehouse is having a vote
and you get the gist

nobody wants to ask questions, understand
why do i envision a dirty, snot-nosed, twisted little kid?
it's that easy to hate? how?
oh, the good act. it's a façade.
sad.
i learned the meaning of gaslighting
and true narcissism.
i didn't need to understand, but
i wasn't getting the message apparently, so
i became a study of stupid people.

I want(ed) to contribute, be a part, have fun, launch
that orange globe so many times the sun never sets. Now,
i put the ball down on the pavement, motherless
and lay in the summer grass, cooling
as black fills a vault over my sweaty noggin
until 'up' isn't there any more
and it's just me in abyss of nothingness
and i feel fresh, rest and be happy here
alone
until some stone skipper comes along and wants to know what i'm doing
is that stupid, i ask.
they lay in the grass and ask what i'm looking at
i describe it
then we just be coooolllll....

if i have to be blind
I want friends like You.


6.15.24

five minutes in my habitual dark. you wouldn't last.

and i still review. i'll give it all away. but won't prove anything. at least, i know something.

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