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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
| The meds are having a profound effect on my memory, especially in the mornings. And because of the restless leg syndrome (more painful legs syndrome), it is taking me a long time to get to sleep. The result is I'm sleeping longer in the mornings. Compounding these issues is the fog I am wading through when I wake up. I am not happy with the medication. I've stuck with it for five days, but I'm becoming anxious about taking it because I know what will come over the next three to four hours. It is working as far as making the hallucinations fade. But they are still there behind a dark screen and Angel still answers questions in the same vane as she always has...negatively about me and positively about her. The medication has had some positive outcomes. I'm still training hard and overall I feel great. I'm paying little attention to the visions behind closed eyes. My energy hasn't been affected, and once I get through the foggy morning, everything else is fine. But, the leg thing is awful, and as much as I don't want to discontinue taking the pills, I'm at the end of my tether. I have another appointment with the psyche on the 25th. At this point, I'm more concerned about the side effects (or effects) of these antipsychotic drugs, than I ever was about dealing with Angel. From tonight, I'm going to discontinue taking Quetiapine. I know the doctor will recommend another antipsychotic or prescribe a medication to deal with the pain in my legs. I'm going to have to decide the better of two evils. Dealing with Angel was, by and large, my problem, in so far as she only caused me grief at night before sleep (how ironic it's the same as the meds). The rest of the time, it was me stupidly engaging her. Going forward, I won't acknowledge her in any way shape or form and will not allow loneliness or boredom to become an excuse for engaging her. She isn't a problem regarding my day-to-day living. However, I'm still uncertain about if she is a hallucination or a demon, and this may present a problem further down the road. If that is true, and this is more than just a mental illness, it won't matter if I take antipsychotics or not, because the drugs only mask the visions, but change nothing else. These drugs are not a cure, and only relieve the symptoms and stress the hallucinations cause...which so far in my case, isn't that much. An interesting article about kickbacks made to Physicians...particularly in mental health. https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/cifamerica/2011/mar/15/psychology-heal... |
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