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 |  A third blog? A good idea? A fresh start? A disaster? An omen? ...who knows anything? |
I nearly gave up on blogging and WDC. Then life threw another huge curveball and I felt like giving up on everything. But I'm Scarlett...I keep trying and hoping. I know not where this will go but I take it one day at a time.   |
I can't say as the first month of this new year has been particularly pleasant and definitely not peaceful. At present I feel like a headless chicken and a blue bottomed fly combined, running round in circles with an endless list of things do, formalities and unpleasant experiences. So far ...  Dennis the cat went to the vets to be neutered and microchipped. Due to complications he required further surgery which has resulted in doubling the cost, several more visits to the vet when time is of the essence and the fitting of a hood of shame or a plastic bucket thing on his head for the rest of this week. I'm familiar with these things on dogs, but keeping one on a cat is a totally different ball game. Solicitors are proving their communication skills with each other and their clients leaves a lot to be desired. Emails and phone calls have been very excessive this week when I least need the hassle. I have received a nasty and threatening email from my late husband's brother which is obviously due to my stepdaughter's complaints and demands and as usual it's all about money. I refuse to become involved in family feuds or to be treated without any respect for my feelings or situation so it seems that branch of the family will become estranged. Very sad and a shame, but I won't take the blame for their fixed ideas and unreasonable demands. As the old saying goes - Where there's a will there's a...family. The book my friend John and I are having published has now almost doubled in cost from the original quote, just when we both have heavy financial responsibilities. But if we wish to see the book in print there is little we can do. Anyone know the winning lottery numbers for this week? England trembles with the forecast of heavy snowfall and freezing temperatures and the nation begins panic buying to stock up on what they consider to be essentials. This country just can't cope with any extreme conditions and is thrown into chaos as a result. So far we haven't seen one flake of snow but if it does start no doubt it will be at the most inconvenient time possible. But amongst all the complaints I have what I hope will be one piece of good news. From the 24th of this month I should be living in a new home in my favourite town of Newark and my fresh start begins. (snow/floods permitting) My new address makes people smile.   |
| It's believed the world has lost more celebrities during 2016 than any other year. Indeed there have been some shocking and unexpected famous losses throughout the year, which is very sad I agree. But life is precarious and fragile for us all and much as we'd prefer to keep these famous folk amongst us, I fail to see why people post heartbroken, hysterical messages on social media as if they are related to these people. Unless you have lost a loved one this year; a partner, a parent, a close family member or a great friend, you cannot really relate to how true grief really feels. Neither is it easy to put into words, but I do know one thing for sure and that is the death of a loved one is a life changing event. Without a doubt 2016 has been the worst year of my life, but I won't dwell on the negatives or wallow in self pity as there is little point in doing either. There have been some good times and high points amongst all the pain and desperation and I am just thankful to have pulled through enough to cope with daily life. For that I will always be grateful to family and friends who have stuck by me regardless of how bad things were. Humbug and New Year have never been my favourite times as many already know, but facing the first anniversary of my husband's passing is something I couldn't have contemplated this time last year. It will be a quiet, pensive evening at home for myself and Dennis (I never anticipated adopting a cat either) and one of us will certainly be raising a glass or five to those no longer with us. I certainly won't be making any resolutions or ambitious plans as my mantra of one day at a time sweet Jesus is something I try to cling to. But as stated previously, loss is a life changing event and I do know that all being well I will be facing some challenging and drastic changes in 2017. All I ask for is the ability to cope each day and to do some good with the time I have left on this mortal coil. For my readers I wish you good health and contentment, for those things are precious. The cycle of life continues - keep pedalling. Below is a link to the photographs of one of the highlights of my year. https://www.flickr.com/photos/145341414@N03/ |
| People say a trip to Lapland is a once in a lifetime experience. That will certainly be true in my case, but I'm pleased we did it. All our self planning and bookings went well with just a few glitches, but even so it was a very expensive trip. Finland is a pricey country, but extremely beautiful. Rovaniemi is the official home of Santa Claus and many activities are based around the Christmas theme and yet, the hype and mania we see in England isn't apparent. No loud music, no flashing, crass lights, no mayhem in shops, no queues anywhere. Everything is tasteful and understated. The people are lovely; quiet, calm and kind. It was cold for sure and one day plummeted to minus 22 centigrade and yet with the right clothing and a few hours of daylight it was quite tolerable, even pleasant with clear air, crisp snow and stunning views everywhere. Very different to the grey, damp, bone chilling winters we frequently have in England. It was indeed a week to remember and I hope the children always will. I am still sorting photographs, but hope to provide a link at some stage. In hindsight it maybe wasn't the best choice of destination for Mey Ling who finds walking difficult and cannot do anything very active or for toddler Bobby who was too little to join in everything and difficult to keep properly attired, but there was something for everyone and some very enjoyable experiences. The children got to sample a bit of all we'd hoped for - ice skating, sledging, husky and reindeer rides as well as snowmobiling and of course meeting Santa himself. Sadly we didn't witness the Northern Lights as they are not as reliable or as easily accessible as people think. Of course there were moments of irritation, panic, hilarity, discomfort and unfortunately all the kids developed a bug which ensured there was a long coughing concerto every morning, but they are resilient and energetic creatures so it didn't hinder them a great deal. The apartment we stayed in was lovely and very conveniently situated. There were times when the children were disagreeable and some 'I could strangle Mey Ling' moments, but that is the norm for my family. So I'm glad we did it and survived it all with no major accidents or incidents. Now to get through the next week in murky, manic England... |
| A week today we'll be in London preparing for our very early flight on Friday morning to Lapland. For those who have never heard of it I'll embed a video which should give you an idea how we'll be spending our week away from home. We're flying to Rovaniemi, which I can neither spell or pronounce, but I do know it will be extremely cold and also dark for much of the time. Part of me wishes we'd booked a relaxing holiday somewhere warm, but I am doing this for the grand monsters who I hope will have a wonderful time and remember it for a long time to come. I will not be skiing, driving a snowmobile or sitting on Santa's lap, but I hope to see the Northern lights, some beautiful scenery and animals as well as escaping from the familiar overwhelming hype back in England. I do believe every year the world gets a little crazier at this time of year and commercialism reaches new heights in the realms of ridiculousness. While charities knock on our doors and fundraising pleas abound, major enterprises spend millions trying to produce the best and most often outlandish television advertisements in order to attract customers to spend, spend, spend. This year I find it hard to believe the emotional response many have expressed and the cult following over what is after all a vegetable, even if I do happen to focus on this particular one quite frequently. |
| Every year I complain loudly and frequently about the hype and ridiculous fuss that begins even before summer has closed the door behind her. Every year I hear many others complain it starts earlier and earlier, yet nothing and no one seem able to stop it. Some people tell me they don't notice it, others say they can switch off from it, but sadly I am not one of them. It isn't even December yet every other song on the radio, almost all television adverts and all shopping centres surrender to the onslaught. I resent being forced or even cajoled into doing anything against my will. Maybe I have an awkward streak that refuses to join in things just because others think we should. You may have noticed over the past fifteen years I am not a fan of Humbug as I prefer to call it. I don't get why some think it the most wonderful time of the year or feel it necessary to ram it down your throat for months beforehand. There have always been many people who are reminded of painful events and the loss of loved ones at this time of year and now I am one of them. For many reasons this year it will be my choice to not involve myself in any of the humbug proceedings. I will not be decorating my house. I will use having a lively kitten and hopefully preparing to move as valid reasons, but in reality it would be too painful. I have decided to sell some of my decorations and donate the rest to charity. I will not be cooking a humbug dinner. Having done this for over thirty years I feel I have a right to say no to something that would only upset me. I will provide food for my family, but it certainly won't be traditional. I will not be spending extortionate amounts on gifts or wrapping presents. In fact I probably won't be doing any humbug shopping at all and that will be a great relief emotionally and financially. I probably won't be sending many cards. I usually make my own, but this year I have been unable to face any craftwork which brings back memories of this time last year and I just do not feel able to buy and write cards as a single person. But before you write me off as a killjoy, a miserable so and so or a grinch there is something positive I will be doing. Two weeks tomorrow I will be taking my son and family to Lapland for a week. Hopefully it will be a once in a lifetime experience that will stay in the memories of my grand monsters for a long time. I may develop hypothermia, risk life and limb in the snow, suffer an overdose of children's company and Christmas orientated activities, but I promise to keep my mouth well and truly shut and not utter my favourite two words of the season. BAH HUMBUG |
| For a number of reasons I have decided I need to change the locks on the doors of my house. So off I trotted to the local hardware store thankfully without the beeping smoke alarm from my last visit. After discussing what I need to do before purchasing and fitting new locks I remembered I also need a new brush for outside. After several months of neglect I had decided to sweep the patio outside, but my first brushstroke with my rugged old brush resulted in the head of the broom parting from the broom handle. I asked the young man in the shop which brush he would recommend as there were a lot of different kinds parked outside the shop. After establishing it was just for sweeping up leaves and general rubbish he came to his own conclusion. 'You don't need a stiff one then. ' I leave you to imagine my response or ponder over what your own would be, but I was still chucking when I arrived back home with my new broom. And no I didn't fly on it. |
| While the world reels over today's news and question marks hang over what the future holds I had my own little shock this morning too. An auspicious date 9/11 or 11/9 depending on which side of the pond you reside. I opened my mailbox to find a note congratulating me on being a member of WDC for fifteen years and also received a snail mail card in the post. Fifteen years. A fifth of my life. Where has that time gone and what can I say I've achieved during that time? Not a lot would probably be my initial response. I do however know what I have lost and gained during those years. I have lost my mother, my father, my mother-in-law and now my husband. I have also lost some friends and family, figuratively and literally, some pounds in weight and a few more of my marbles. I have gained a Cambodian, disabled daughter-in-law, an adopted granddaughter and two blood grandsons. I have gained new family contacts by meeting relatives over the pond during our travels. I have gained a great nephew and a great niece. I have also gained a lot of friends all round the globe thanks to the internet and WDC. I have gained some pounds in weight and maybe a little wisdom and knowledge along the way. Now if all that isn't fodder for a novel I don't know what is. All I need now is to be granted the time to write it. Talking of books I was quite astounded on this notorious day by a quote I read. Before I went into hospital I was presented with a book of encouragement entitled 'Achieve Anything In Just a Year.' I didn't start reading it until I came home. One page a day with advice, thoughts and assignments. It's interesting and stimulating without being over ambitious or sickeningly positive. I doubt I will achieve a great deal over a year and have learned making plans isn't always advisable, but it's still a worthwhile read. Today was day 70 for me. The quote... 'Integrity without knowledge is weak and useless and knowledge without integrity is dangerous and dreadful.' - Samuel Johnson Very fitting I thought. |
| It's a long time since I penned a Dear John letter. I remember it clearly all these years later. I was fourteen at the time and after a holiday romance made the decision to write home to my boyfriend and put an end to our budding romance. I often wonder what path life would have taken if I hadn't sent that letter and the recipient still teases me about it to this day. But this isn't really a letter; more of a dedication. The dear John I refer to is probably my best friend in the world and proof that the Harry met Sally situation needs no debating. Men and women can be devoted friends with no ulterior motive. I first met John in the eighties. He's a Geordie or for the uninitiated originates from Sunderland in the north of England. He moved to Nottinghamshire to take up the headship of the school where I had worked for ten years. It was at that school I first met my husband and where my son started his education so it's a place I hold close to my heart. I wasn't working at the time he started his career there, but soon started doing some supply work which led to a part time job working alongside John with special needs children. We worked well together and I remember that time as one of the happiest of my teaching career. John took early retirement in 1992 and completed a course in reflexology. My friend Gillian and I were his guinea pigs during his training but we still have our weekly foot tickling session with John even though he is now fully qualified. Over the years our friendship has blossomed and he is my most supportive friend in many ways. John has a degree in philosophy, a positive attitude and is a brilliant artist. I have a degree in sarcasm, a tendency to negativity and no artistic skills. But we gel. We both read a lot and he is very enthusiastic about my writing, constantly encouraging me to write the novel I have started so many times. John read the eulogy I had written for my husband's funeral in the church and everyone commented how perfectly he did this. No easy task for anyone and I will always be grateful to him. During my long, dark spell in hospital John was a constant visitor, never criticising or giving up on me. At the time he had my massive file of poetry in his possession and was ploughing through it all. He didn't know about the year of haiku poems I had written and posted on WDC inspired by alfred booth, wanbli ska  but they were in the file and John was so impressed with them he continuously brought examples and his own artistic interpretations to the hospital in an attempt to help me out of the black hole and seek publication. At that time I couldn't imagine I would ever feel well enough to do that, but thankfully I do now. Out of respect for John and my own wish to start considering serious publication we are going to a local firm next week to put our book together and see it in print. I will send out copies to friends and family, but have no delusions it will ever be more than just a personal project. But I am serious about writing that book now and would love to self publish with the optimum chances of some success. I would really appreciate any advice readers have as it seems rather a minefield out there. My personal story and experiences are rather unusual and I would love to present John with the completed novel I have been promising to write for years. I believe now is the time. Here are some of the lovely illustrations John has produced inspired by my haiku poems... Three hours later  Photos don't seem to want to be posted. I SO wish WDC would simplify its weird methods.      |
| Whether we believe in fate or destiny, are convinced our lives are mapped out for us or suspect it's just all down to chance or choices, one thing is certain. Life is full of surprises and disappointments we cannot always avoid. I plod along day by day, sometimes feeling optimistic and hopeful, sometimes overwhelmed by sadness and fear, but sure in the knowledge I have no choice but to keep going, trying and most of all to accept. Acceptance is the biggest and wisest step we can take regarding our life events. I've had a good run these last few weeks with the rare feeling that everything seemed to be going my way. Too good to be true I suspected. My luck seems to have deserted me now, but I'm still grateful for what I do have and for the ability to cope in most situations. After seven weeks of visiting, measuring up, asking questions and cheerful banter my house buyers pulled out for what they described as personal reasons. The God of irony ensured I'd had an offer on a house I liked accepted only the day before. So now I'm back to square one and awaiting viewers. It's moved into a bad time for house sales with the approach of winter and the season I love to hate already looming. With no prospect of moving in the near future I'm finding it more difficult and painful living in a house full of memories and a town I dislike. People too are full of surprises and disappointments. Those who promise to call, keep in touch, visit and help out soon become distracted by their own lives and problems. I know I'm lucky to have so many people in my life and no doubt their intentions are good, but as we know actions speak louder than words and loneliness isn't easily dismissed. But I have to accept this is my life now and just get on with things. One day at a time sweet Jesus. I suspect my stepdaughter has now cut me off completely and there will be little chance of straightening things out. I know we all have different values and try to respect the views of others, but sadly the time has come for her to accept she cannot always have her own way and needs to face some home truths. It saddens me for my husband's sake, but I won't be dictated to by others or tolerate deceitful behaviour. Que sera. The weather and daylight hours are deteriorating and many are feeling their spirits sink so I'm not alone in that. And as I'm discovering you're never alone with a cat. I have changed his name to Dennis (as in Menace) and am wondering how something so small can cause so much havoc. My knitting, paper crafts and writing are presently redundant. He has a real interest in technology and has already sent some coded emails as well as monitoring my every word on the screen. But he's cute and funny so I'll let him stay.  |
| I realise it may be a little premature and some of you may be shocked to discover I have a new love in my life. It's early days but I already feel our relationship will blossom and we'll be together for life. We've already moved in together. He's younger than me, but I was told to look out for a toy boy anyway. I can just about keep up with him and like me he's a bit of a night owl. We are both Leo's which is a good sign and so far we seem to be quite compatible. He's a bit funny looking and scruffy in some ways, but I think he's cute and at my age looks aren't of great importance. I suspect he's of mixed race, but that is not a problem for me and I have no concerns about his family background. His name is Nikki and I'd like to introduce him to you.  |
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) I try to dress according to the color of the day. Thursday is orange. Once I dress accordingly I only need to look at what I'm wearing to be reminded. 
If I put on the wrong color though...
