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This is my blog. I just went through a divorce; it was the worst thing that has yet to happen to me. This is me dealing with it and life. It's my blog; I write about what I want. I hope you enjoy. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** The above was me about three years ago. It is the most up to date digital photo I have.
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| Well, I finally got rid of cable and internet at home. I waste too much time watching T.V., and I don't use the internet a whole lot at home. I work too much around the house then plop down in front of the television. So, I finally got rid of it. The money savings is nice, but it wasn't really important. Now, I have more time to read, and I have more time to work around the house. Hopefully, I will write more. We'll see. More next week; now I am headed home to see my parents. Have a good day! Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Friday night, a friend of mine asked me to attend a happy hour put on by his professional organization. He belongs to the Network of Indian Professionals, and I have met some of the members at other parties he has had. So, I went because it was at a very nice, very expensive night club. (They were waving the $20 cover charge.) So, I went and chatted, and around 11 pm, the dance floor was opened up. So, I went and danced. I love to dance, and last night, something strange happened. I danced without thought for how idiotic I looked. Well, that's not strange. The strange thing was that I was sober will doing this. In the past, I have needed liquid rhythm and liquid courage to get out on the dance floor. I understand that I'm not a good dancer, but last night, it didn't matter. You know what? It was great fun. I danced with a couple girls, and I tried to dance with a couple more, but they assumed I was trying to sleep with them. Nope, I just wanted a dance. Sex in that big of a crowd, while an intriguing prospect, just seems a little dangerous. So, ladies, I still to dancing on a dance floor. I can't really fault the girls for assuming that I was hitting on them. Every guy in the place seemed to hit on every gal in the place. It was rather disgusting to see what depths a man will sink to meet a strange woman. It was frustrating to see the repeated attempts of women to ward off the disgusting men. It makes me wonder why do people go clubbing looking to hook up? As with writing, I was just dancing for myself. I wasn't there to meet anyone. It baffles me that people go to dance clubs looking to meet people to hook up or date. The bar scene is a nice place, but you meet bar people there. I don't think there's anything wrong with bar people. However, many men and women exist outside the bar scene, and in my experience, these people are much more interesting than the "Dude, I got sooooooooo wasted last night." (In the sake of honesty, I used to be that guy. It was fun at 18 and 21, but after 22, it seems a little sad.) I would rather meet a shy gal at the library or a person who's willing to spend a Friday night with me at the art museum. In other words, I'm becoming an old man. My younger, wilder, St. Pat's loving self is screaming at me, but I am maturing. One night stands never held any attraction to me, and after last night, they seem pathetic attempts to stave off loneliness. Maybe one night stands symbolize sexual freedom to some people, but after seeing the drunken idiots last night, a one night stand is a mockery of something real between two people. While the nihilistic part of me celebrates the Dionysian act, the part of me that wants a real relationship sees two drunken people giving in to momentary pleasures that will bring shame and anxiety the next morning. Maybe endless strings of sexual encounters is a mark of pride to some people, but to me, it just symbolizes a shallow, hollow life. I respect myself too much to be involved in one, and I want to respect the person that I take to bed with me. (I had a chance last night, but I passed it up. The girl was too drunk to know what she was doing, and again, it's not something that I do.) That's why I don't think the first dozen times that I am intimate with someone should be a situation where one of us is stumbling, falling down drunk. Maybe as the relationship progresses, this could be a viable option, but in the past, when my ex-wife drank too much, we fell asleep holding each other. That to me is real, and that to me is respect. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Add poetry to your life everyday... http://www.versedaily.org/ http://www.poems.com/ Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Well, since my divorce, I have dated four women. Two were one date affairs (note, one date, not one night), and two were multiple dates. I have tried to date roughly twelve other women to no success whatsoever. I have learned many things that make me cringe. Looking back on the four women that I have dated, I have learned a lot from them. Like for example, after the second date, some women are thinking wedding bells already. Why? I don't know, but I went out on two more dates with her. Why? Because I told myself she isn't serious. What's the lesson here? Everybody say it with me, trust your instincts. That's correct. A couple of gals were nice, but there was no chemistry. I felt nothing more than friendship. However, it was very hard to transition to friendship. The girls wanted more, and I didn't. We gave it every effort to be friends, but the girls wanted more than friendship, and I didn't. The lesson here is that friendship is not possible when one person has feelings for the other. There is too much pain and awkwardness. One of the gals I went out with was very nice. We had nothing in common. We had a great time. But we didn't see each other again. It was more like a business lunch rather than a date. We had a great time and parted amicably. I wish her all the best, and I hope she finds someone more compatible than me. The lesson here is that dates can be fun as dates only. Even though it's not going anywhere, it's still a good time. The worst (and now funniest) person that I dated wanted kids. On the first date, she talked about kids. Children do not scare me; the thought of being a father does not bother me in the least. But when someone wants kids before they know what my house looks like, seems a bit rushed to me. She and I had a lot in common but no chemistry. Maybe it was because of the kids thing. Maybe it was the creepy vibe that I got from her that said after impregnating her, she would go all Praying Mantis on my ass and rip my head off. I'm not sure. The lesson: Stay away from Praying Mantis girl. Just because a girl wants kids, doesn't mean she should have them. (Feel free to yell at me for that last statement.) So, the final lesson is that all women, everywhere are crazy. It's just the level of craziness matters. (Yes, ladies, you are crazy. You have to deal with simple-minded men all day. We're too busy watching T.V. to be crazy.) Everyday type of crazy, like there's a shoe sale at the mall, get me there now or I'm going on an all cantaloupe diet, is cute and cuddly. It works, almost as if it weren't crazy at all. The 'impregnate me before I learn your last name' type of crazy is dangerous and scary. There are better men out there to handle this insanity than me. (I bet this paragraph really made you crazy right? See, we men are good at that.) Okay, so forget that last paragraph. That was just thrown in to cause trouble. The lessons of dating are very interesting, and the more that I date, the more comfortable I am being alone. This isn't because the women I have dated are bad. On the contrary, they're all lovely people. I'm just becoming more comfortable with who I am. I like meeting and learning about new people, and the reality of the situation is that I'm not ready to have a steady relationship. I'm still fixing myself after the divorce. It is amazing how long it is taking me to fix myself, find myself, get in touch with my inner self, (insert metaphor here), but that's okay. Because in the end, I'm no good as a boyfriend (or worse, husband) to anyone else, unless I'm good with myself. Sadly, it took a divorce to see that, but thank God, it didn't take the grave to figure it out. I guess dating has taught me that I am still figuring out how to care for myself. I don't have parents who expect me to be such and such. I don't have a wife to tell me who to be. There's just me. It's strange how learning about other people can really teach you about yourself. So, what did you learn today? Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Well, I leave for vacation at noon today. I'm golfing with friends this afternoon, then I head with the family to vacation in Kentucky lake for a few days. I will be back on Wednesday, and I will work on writing a blog about the lessons I've learned in post-divorce dating. No, they're not funny, they're quite sad. But, I hate to leave anyone with sadness. So, here is the best thing on the net at the moment. It is courtesy of Mr. Joss Whedon and stars Neil Patrick Harris. That's right, Doogie Howser on the inter-web!!!! Enjoy Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog!!! (It's hiliarious.) Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Hello there strangers! Well, I guess I have been the stranger. Life has been very, very busy. I haven’t been writing much, as you may have noticed, and I haven’t been able to read many blogs. I feel very bad when I write and can’t get around to read all of the wonderful journals on here. Unfortunately, that is what will have to happen for a while. I’m going to try to write, and I’ll try to read blogs when I get the chance. However, I don’t know how often that will be. The good news is that I got my promotion finally! I am so happy about that, and the money has been going to my retirement fund. I want to be able to retire and do something else with my life. People at my work don’t ever seem to leave. We celebrated someone’s 30th work anniversary the other day. Two people who had 40th work anniversaries attended. I’ve met 70 year old’s who work here. I want to switch careers when I retire. Maybe be a teacher or something. To do this, I will have to save money, so my raise with my promotion will go towards retirement. This makes me so happy because I feel financially responsible by saving money. Well, I hope you are all doing well. I will get around to blogs when I can. Unfortunately, I don’t know when that is. I’m trying to get a second job teaching math at a community college part time. It’s not because of money that I’m looking for a job; I need more to do with my life. I have always loved teaching, so I’m looking to get a hobby teaching. Luckily, this hobby pays me! I’m still volunteering when I can. If I don’t get the job, I plan to attempt to volunteer with local governments. I hope to get the teaching job so that I can also take more creative writing classes. Whew! I got a lot going on. I hope you all are busy and having great lives! Catch you when I can. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Welcome to Grifter's Gardens!!!! Thanks to Mr. Monk for the help. All I have was 7,060 GP's, and they're all his!!! I should probably do something better for him. We'll see. It depends on if I get busy and forget. This has been happening a lot lately. I am addicted to this song from Ms. Colbie Caillat. It's called Realize, and when I hear this song, I feel like writing. I want to write a poem that pulls such feelings from me as this song rips emotions from me. When I listen to this song, I want to find Ms. Caillat and just wrap my arms around her. Unfortunately, this would land me in jail. So, I will have to listen to her song and just say thanks for the great art. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdQA6mC3ZWI Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| So, I think I've decided to give my house a name. I think it will be something like "The Meadows" or "The Sorrows." How about "Chez Chats"? "Eric's Escape" "Grifter's Grotto" What do you think? All my GP's to the best one! Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Well, Seattle is a no-go for me. How much does that suck? Human Resources found enough people within the company up there to perform the work. So, we're not going. I'm pretty bummed, but I'll get over it. I was going to use this trip as a trial run to see if I wanted to move there permanently. It might be an option later this year. We'll see. It really depends on what's happening with my sister and my parents. Tomorrow is a department golf scramble. I'm looking forward to it. I'm not very good at golf, but it's mostly a social event. We drink and hit golf balls. To me, that's a good afternoon. I hope you're all having a great day! Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
| Well, a week went by, and I haven't heard a peep about my trip to the Great Northwest. It's like the offer never happened. Strange!!!! As for my promotion, which I'm starting to think I earned, I have heard nothing and will hear nothing until the middle of July. But after talking with a friend on Saturday night, a lot of people that I work with think that I should be a couple levels higher than I am. That made me happier than I can tell you. I love that people recognize I'm a hard worker and a good engineer. That's as good as a raise. I know that I do a good job, but it's always good to get praise. Saturday night, I went to my friend Sukhpal's graduation party. He's from the Punjab region of India; so, for a gift, I got him sweets from India. This is the first time that I had ever been in an Indian grocery market, and it was really cool. I asked for help, and the clerks apparently gave me the best brand there is. When I presented him the gift, most of his Indian friends were shocked. To me it was a simple act of friendship, but I guess it meant a lot to them. They talked about it more than I felt comfortable with. I don't really know why they thought it was such a good gesture. I don't see them too much, so I don't think I have come off as selfish. I think it was because I went out of my way to find something from Sukhpal's culture as a gift. I was completely blown away by what goodwill a small act of kindness can create. To me, I did nothing out of the ordinary, but apparently, it was a very good thing. Grifter Courage doesn't roar. It's that quiet voice at the end of the day that whispers, "I will begin again, tomorrow." |
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