Pushed Against the Wall

New Delhi, India

Nudrath woke up early. She had to prepare for her husband and sons to leave for the nearby hill station of Mussoorie where they would spend the weekend. They had chosen to leave her behind.

The words stupid, useless, disaster still ricocheted in her ears. Arun, her husband of eighteen years, had berated her in front of his friends at the party at their home the previous evening. None had protested. Even her boys, aged seventeen and fifteen, had sided with their father. The late delivery of food, stains on the tablecloth, shortage of ice for the drinks, unclean glasses, and impolite response by the servers, were all attributed to her ineptitude. The children thought it wiser to align with their wealthy dad.

Though, Arun and Nudrath slept in separate rooms, he would frequently visit her for his carnal pleasures. Even the previous night, he had treated her with exceptional brutality. She detested the violation of her body but lacked the will to repel him.

She switched on the lights in the bathroom and looked in the mirror. A haggard stranger stared back, the previous evening's torture reflecting in her face. She had tied her shoulder-length hair in a tight bun at the back. Her peaches and cream complexion looked sallow. The eyeliner, dissolved by her tears, formed black smudges beneath her eyes. The faded lipstick exposed chapped lips. Her almond-shaped eyes appeared red and swollen. Though her heart-shaped face still retained its loveliness, the vagaries of abuse had started to manifest in the form of wrinkled brows and graying hair.

Next came her favorite part of the day. She pulled the nightdress over her head and stood nude in front of the mirror. Her eyes shined with pleasure at the sight of her swollen belly. Gently, she caressed her stomach and whispered to the life forming inside. “I will make you a good human being.” Indian law prohibits the sex determination of a fetus but intuitively she knew that it was a girl. She thanked God for keeping the child alive despite her husband's rough usage of her body.

In fact, the baby had made matters worse. They had two teenage sons. A third child was unnecessary, he had tried to convince his wife. But she refused to listen.

Caressing her belly, Nudrath smiled on remembering the only redeeming feature of the previous night. It was right after all the humiliation Arun had subjected her to, but she had had her revenge.

The wives of some of Arun’s friends were chatting. She had joined them.

“How are you Nudrath?” one lady had asked.

“The morning sickness feels terrible,” she had replied, pointing to her huge tummy.

“You are a brave one, Nudrath, at this age,” another lady had remarked.

“Forty-five,” Nudrath replied. “My husband still can't get enough of me” she boasted." He is still so strong and I still so fertile," she added, drawing groans of admiration and peals of laughter. All along her eyes mocked a woman called Seema, who had applied extra makeup and dressed provocatively. Seema turned red with anger and stomped off. She was an office colleague of Arun. Though married with children, it was public knowledge that she was having an affair with him.

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Nudrath laid out an elaborate breakfast for her family before they left for their holiday.

“You are late!” snapped Arun, eying her swollen belly with distaste. He hated that child. “How could the bitch skip her pills!” he thought bitterly. The previous night, Seema had lambasted him for that folly, making him seethe.

“This omelet is tasteless,” he criticized even thought it tasted good. “When will you learn to cook!”

Taking a cue from their father, the two sons joined in. “This paratha (Indian bread) is horrible!” one said though it was delicious.

“These papayas are so raw,” another son said. “You waste dad's money. You are so stupid that everyone cheats you.”

Enjoying his wife’s humiliation, Arun took a sip of the perfectly tasting banana shake. The next moment, he flung the glass on the floor. Rising from the chair, he seized Nudrath’s hair and slapped her. “The milk has burned! You can’t do anything right!”

“Good that you are not bringing her with us, dad!” the younger boy remarked. “She looks so ugly with her bloated stomach!” he added and spat on his plate.

Nudrath bore everything in silence. While leaving, Aun whispered into her ears, “I am not done with you bitch for insulting Seema. You see what I do to you once I get back. I will kill this devil,” he said, pointing at her tummy.

A scared Nudrath, pleaded. “I am sorry the breakfast was bad. I was not feeling good. This pregnancy is becoming unbearable for me. I want to terminate it. Once you return, we will visit the gynecologist. Please don’t be mad,” she implored.

‘Ok, bitch,” he said with a broad smile.

“Can I make some tea for you at least before you leave,” Nudrath asked.

‘Ok, be quick,” he said looking at his watch. She hurried to the kitchen, hearing the boys behind her back. “Papa, she should abort. It is such an embarrassment for us.”

Fortunately, Arun had the tea in silence. It was more to do with the relief he felt at her decision to abort. When they finally left, Nudrath sat back in the reclining chair in the living room and pondered her fate. She had met Arun in college and had fallen in love. They were studying medicine. Going against the wish of her family, she had married outside her community because she wanted to spend her life with him. Arun had always had a roving eye, but she had felt that her love would change him. It had gotten worse, but she did not separate from him for the sake of the children. She had given up her promising career to support them.

Nudrath closed her eyes and tried to relax. The time on the watch said 10 am. She set an alarm for 1 pm and closed her eyes.

At exactly 12:55 pm, her phone rang. She answered it. It was a female voice.

"Hello, Ma'am. Are you Dr Nudrath Ali?" the lady asked.

"Yes, I am. Who is this, please?" Nudrath asked.

"This is the police, Ma'am."

"Police. What happened?" asked Nudrath, her voice thick with concern.

"We have some bad news, Ma'am."

'What bad news?" asked Nudrath, the pitch of her voice rising.

"I am afraid that your husband and your sons have met with an accident. Their car fell into a valley. We found your contact details on your husband's phone," the policewoman answered.

Nudrath fell silent.

"Hello! Ma'am! Are you there?" the lady enquired anxiously.

After a pause, Nudrath spoke, the tension evident in her voice. "How are they?"

"I am afraid, Ma'am, they are all dead."

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Nudrath returned home late in the night after cremating the bodies. Seeing her advanced pregnancy, the police had no doubt about why she wasn't with them.

She made a warm bath and slid into it. Buried under the foam with only her neck and head out, she placed a call through the internet using a proxy VPN server. The male voice she was dying to hear promptly answered. "My love. You made me wait so much,” he said.

She feigned sorrow and sobbed into the phone. “What happened, my darling?” asked the man with surprise.

“My husband and sons….,” she started but didn't finish and started crying loudly.

"What about them?” he interjected.

With an eye on her watch, Nudrath kept howling.

“Please say something, Nudrath,” he insisted.

Exactly after two minutes, she spoke up and told him about the accident, taking care to pause and cry in between.

“What? How? I am coming right away,” he said.

“Santanu, we must be careful. The police will suspect us,” she persuaded.

“Why? It was an accident, for God’s sake. You lost your husband. How can I leave you alone?” he screamed with anxiety.

“I am the sole beneficiary of his vast property. I have a motive!” Nudrath explained. “If you really love me, Santanu, we have to stay apart for some time,” she persisted.

“You know it is difficult, Nudrath. I can’t live without you,” he said helplessly. “I lost you in college to Arun. I can’t lose you again.”

"It is difficult for me too. But we have to do this. For the sake of your child in my womb.”

When a reluctant Santanu finally released the phone, Nudrath sat back in the tub, satisfied that her melodrama had convinced the man she loved. They had been classmates at college. He had always been smitten by her, but she had remained loyal to Arun. A chance meeting some years back at a shopping mall had set both onto an unexplored path of forbidden love. He was divorced and single. Troubled by her husband’s philandering ways, she had rushed into Santanu’s willing arms. They had succeeded in concealing their relationship from the world, but Santanu had encouraged her to seek a divorce and marry him. She had refused for the sake of her sons.

With a wicked grin on her pretty face, she next dialed Seema’s number and informed her about Arun’s death, adding all the gory details of the accident. Much to Nudrath's amusement, Seema began to whimper.

Finally, Dr Nudrath Ali relaxed for the first time in many years. She was a topper of biochemistry at college. She had full knowledge of Arun’s asthma and knew which pills would stop his breathing forever. Fortunately, one of their sons had an allergic condition for which the doctor had prescribed the same pill. Though Nudrath had packed one strip in the boy’s bag, she remembered that there was an extra one in his room.

When Arun threatened her daughter, it was this tablet she mixed into the tea which he consumed. Her paramour, Dr Santanu, had no knowledge of this. It was a secret she would take to the grave.

Using her knowledge of biochemistry, Nudrath had mixed the exact amount such that Arun's lungs would stop when he would be driving up the mountains. Purposefully, she chose this moment. Had he suffered the attack on the flat road, the boys would have survived. They had no right to live as they would be a constant danger to her daughter. The police suspected there was no foul play because accidents in that part were common. Nudrath had maneuvered to cremate the bodies immediately, destroying all evidence. “I don’t want their friends and relatives to see them in this condition,” she told the police, crying pitifully and inwardly exulting at Arun’s mangled face. The police gave a sympathetic ear to all her requests because of her condition.

Dr Nudrath Ali emerged emerged from the bathtub a new person. She stood before the mirror and wiped herself dry. Her newfound freedom had added extra radiance to her lovely face. The unimagined thrill from forbidden acts worked like a drug on her mind. Her illicit relationship had opened doors to a world of pleasure. She felt sexy and confident. But nothing could match the heady feeling of murder; the raw power of exterminating enemies at will. She would not hesitate to murder again. Anyone who threatened to hurt her lover or his child would meet with the same fate as her late family. No one better push her against the wall.

WC 1921