Holiday Eavesdroppers

Holiday Eavesdroppers

"Neelix, what are you doing?" Tom Paris asked as he and B'Elanna approached him.

"The Commander and Captain have locked themselves in my kitchen and are up to something," he replied angrily. "Just listen."

"It was the Captain's Mess before it was your kitchen, Neelix," B'Elanna reminded him.

"I know, but correct me if I'm wrong, those two are up to something in there."

The three put their ears up to the door to listen.

"Ok, now Kathryn," they heard Chakotay say, "Just spread 'em open and stuff it in."

"Oh, Chakotay!" Janeway moaned with delight. "It's wonderful! Let's not forget to add some oil."

B'Elanna suddenly pulled her ear away from the door, "We really shouldn't be eavesdropping, guys."

"Oh, but this is good!" Tom insisted jovially. "I'm telling you, it sounds like the two of them are finally cookin' in the kitchen."

B'Elanna yanked Tom way from the door and slammed his back against the wall, "If you start any rumours about those two, I'll have your hide personally!"

"Oh, B'E, are you trying to start something now?" Tom said playfully.

"Tom!" she growled. "I mean it. This is none of our business."

"If I may interject for a moment..."

"NO!" Tom and B'Elanna yelled at Neelix.

"May I inquire as to what you three are doing?" Tuvok startled them with his sudden appearance.

"Um..." They all three said as though they had been caught with their hands in the cookie jar, "Nothing."

"We shall see," Tuvok stated as he tried to hear what they had been listening to before he arrived.

"Talk about a huge breast!" Tuvok overheard Chakotay exclaim. "It's the biggest one I've ever seen! Oh, we should add a little more oil to it."

Tuvok restrained from showing his shock as he removed his ear from the door, "It would appear I've caught three adults behaving like children. Don't you have some place to be?"

"Not to complain, Mister Vulcan, but my place is in there," Neelix reminded him. "And I've been locked out of my own kitchen."

"I see," Tuvok pondered for a moment. "Well, it would seem you must wait until our command team has finished with whatever they may be doing before you can return to your assigned post."

"How am I supposed to cook our celebration dinner?"

"I guess you won't for the moment," Tuvok said flatly. "I'm sure you two have assigned posts?"

"Yes sir," both Paris and Torres replied sheepishly.

"What is everyone doing?" They turned to see the youngest member of Voyager standing behind them and looking very curious.

"Naomi, it's nothing return to your quarters," B'Elanna ordered.

"If you are trying to listen to what is going on in there, I have an easier way to do it," she grinned as she played with the control panel and soon the whole ship was hearing their command team's conversation.

"How long will it take after you stick it in?" Janeway asked.

"Oh, I don't know," Chakotay replied. "We'll know it's ready when it pops up."

"I do hope it's not too long, because I don't think I can wait. It looks so good!"

"Here, let me help."

"Oh, it's too big to fit in there!" Kathryn exclaimed.

"It's alright, just slide it in."



"Oh my!" Harry Kim groaned on the Bridge. "This doesn't sound good. Can someone turn that off, because I don't think we should be listening to this?"

"How long do I beat this before its ready?" They heard Janeway asked.

"Oh, that's good, Kathryn!" Chakotay exclaimed. "Very nice."

"I'm working on turning it off, Sir," Ensign Lang replied.



"It is illogical to be listening to this," Vorik stated in Engineering. "I am surprised Tuvok has allowed it to continue this long."



"Taste this, Chakotay."

"Mmmmm," Chakotay groaned with pleasure. "Sweet!"

"You like?"

"Oh yes!"

"You still have a little bit on your chin," they heard Janeway say. "Let me get that for you. It wouldn't be good for the crew to see white stuff on the Commander's chin. No telling what sort of rumours would spread around the ship."



"Sounds like our Captain has a healthy libido after all," the doctor stated in Sickbay.

"Yes, it would seem," Seven replied with a touch of unspoken jealousy.



"Why did you do that?" Naomi asked Tuvok.

"Because such conversations are inappropriate for young ears, not to mention for the crew's as well," Tuvok informed everyone with a stern look on his face. "Now everyone back to your stations."

Reluctantly everyone went back to where they were supposed to be except Neelix.

"Mister Neelix, don't you have an assigned station?"

"I do, but it's occupied with two people's idea of fun."

"Come with me," Tuvok ordered, "I'm sure we can find something for you to do."

"Yes Sir, Mister Vulcan, but if you don't mind my saying so, I'd rather be in my kitchen fixing the ship's meal."

"I understand, but at the moment, it is occupied."



Several hours later, the crew noticed the command team was still in what they were once again calling the Captain's mess. Several of the crew began gathering around the door wondering what they were doing and one of them had turned the speaker on once again.

"It's a little dry, Chakotay; do you still want to eat it?"

"Why of course, Kathryn," Chakotay purred. "It looks too good to pass up!"

Several people gasped.



"Did you hear something, Chakotay?"

"No, I don't think so, why?" he replied as he double-checked the turkey for doneness.

"It's nothing, I guess."



"Keep quiet everyone, they'll hear us," B'Elanna insisted.

"Don't play with your meat, Chakotay!"

"My meat?"

"Yes yours. Now is it ready or not?"

"I think it is."

"Well, then let's do it!" Janeway exclaimed.

"What?" Neelix exclaimed. "Not in my kitchen they won't!"

"SHHHH!" B'Elanna scolded. "They'll hear you!"

"With how long they have been in there, I'm sure they've done it more than once already," Tom informed everyone. "They've been really cookin'!"

"TOM!" B'Elanna scolded.

"Oh no they don't! I'm going in there!" Neelix insisted.

"That would be an illogical move on your part," Tuvok attempted to stop him. "You don't know what you will find."

"I don't care! Someone bust this door down!"



"I know I heard something," Kathryn insisted.

"You're right and I heard it too this time."

"You don't think the natives are getting restless do you?"

"I don't know," Chakotay replied with concern, "But I'm going to find out."

Chakotay walked over to the door and opened it, "Well, I didn't expect everyone to come at once."

"We... um..." Tom blushed with embarrassment. "We were just..."

"Just wondering if you two were alright," B'Elanna interrupted. "You've been in there a long time."

"Yes," Neelix agreed, "And I'd like to start cooking the special dinner soon, if you don't mind."

Janeway and Chakotay glanced briefly at each other with puzzled faces.

Then Neelix started to enter while mumbling, "After I disinfect the place."

Janeway quickly placed a hand on Neelix's chest to stop him from entering the Mess Hall, "Stay right there!"

"We're not sure we understand, but we have dinner already with all the trimmings," Chakotay informed them calmly, but confused.

"What?" Neelix was surprised.

"We thought..." Tom paused.

"We thought you two were um..." B'Elanna tried to finish Tom's sentence.

"The whole crew thought you two were up to something in here," Naomi informed the command team with a mischievous smile.

"They did?" Chakotay asked her with a grin. He was beginning to see some humour about to start.

"And just what did they think we were up to?" Janeway asked as she kneeled down to their informant's level.

"Oh, from what I gathered," Naomi tried to find the words. "Adult stuff I think it's called."

"Shut up, kid!" B'Elanna growled through her teeth.

Janeway stood her full height and did not seem very happy, "Oh they did, did they?"

"Yup!" Naomi confirmed as she took pride in being the captain's personal informant.

"I'm very disappointed in my crew," Janeway stated indignantly. "Did it ever occur to you that eavesdropping is not only rude, but spoils a surprise?"

"But Captain," B'Elanna started to defend the crew as she pointed to Naomi. "She turned the comm system on!"

"Did she now? And you adults allowed her to do this?

"Well... um..." Tom Paris stammered. "Sort of, Ma'am."

"Really?" Janeway looked as though she could explode with anger. "How come we never heard it then?"

"I don't know. She... She must have left it off in the Captain's Mess."

"Captain's Mess?" Janeway raised an eyebrow. "Since when did we go back to calling it that?"

"Since um..." B'Elanna tried to think of something.

"Since you two locked yourselves in there for a very long time," Naomi told them.

"I see and you were in on this too, Tuvok?"

"Actually, Captain..." Tuvok started to deny, then thought better of it. "Yes Ma'am, I must admit I was starting to believe it myself."

Janeway began to pace angrily, "My whole crew started eavesdropping on their command team?"

In reply she heard mumbles scattered around the crowd in the corridor.

"I can't hear you!" She suddenly roared causing Chakotay to jump also.

"Yes Ma'am!" Several suddenly said clearly.

"And you all believed the two of us were up to something?" She suddenly raised her hand and waved it as though to erase her last words, "Don't answer that!"

"What do you think we should do with them, Captain?" Chakotay asked.

"I don't know. Does my first officer have any ideas?"

"Well, I guess we could feed them and show them what really happened."

"You may be right, but what will stop them from pulling this stunt again?"

"Knowing what really happened this time?"

"Agreed," Kathryn nodded. "OK everyone, come in here, and have Thanksgiving dinner."

"Oh, we're really sorry, Captain," B'Elanna stated in passing.

Others apologized as well, but once everyone sat down at a table they were more than ready to eat and everything seemed forgotten.

"Everyone, may we have your attention please," Chakotay requested. "The captain and I have one more thing to say to everyone before we start eating."

The crew fell silent with curiosity.

The captain and commander chimed in unison, "Happy Thanksgiving everyone!"