I wish

I wish I could jump
Make myself happy at the expense of others
Throw it all away and gain the world.

Cored out
empty husk
except for the waterfall of glacier run-off
in my chest.

Wish I could call you
make demands
remove the shackle from my finger
and admit how I feel
what I want.

Bolts of pain down my center
focusing my being
temporarily interrupting the blank
the empty
the nothing inside me.

Wish I could tell the truth
hold you
rely on you
put the world on your shoulders
crush you with my needs.

Exquisite longing
yearning pull from my heart
pain paused only by your voice
your touch
your smell
you.

Wish I could be completely selfish
instead of continuing on the tide of mediocrity
riding the blandness into the sunset
relying on nothing
to remain good.

God I want you
want to tell you
you're killing me
and it's all my fault.

I wish I could scream
cry
tear at my hair
make my pain visible for once.

If only you could see what you do to me
with your words
looks
touches.

I wish I could comunicate
be wide open
lay it out
fess up.

I want to run my fingers through your hair
kiss your eyelids
hold your face
trace the lines of your smile
make you mine.

Wish it was clear how I feel
wish it was ok to feel this way
wish I could spin back the clock
wish I'd met you first
wish I could be morally abhorent
wish I could be yours
wish I could
wish