Baby Bunny Plays Football

Baby Bunny Plays Football.

Baby Bunny's nose awoke first. The smell of carrots and lettuce jolted him out of bed and carried him down the stairs, where Momma Bunny was busy with stew.

"Mom...I smell food."

"Of course you do, dear," Momma Bunny replied. "I'm making something for your trip to the park."

"It smells delicious," said Baby Bunny. "But I'm not really hungry right now."

"You have to eat something. You'll get sick."

"That's ok, Mom. I won't get sick. My friends will take care of me."

Momma Bunny sighed. "Just like your father." She put the food away. "All right, have fun. And watch out for those big boys."


Upon reaching the field, Baby Bunny found his friends--Baby Turtle, Baby Birdie and Baby Kitty. They were tossing a football around.

"Hi, Baby Bunny," said Baby Turtle. "Are you playing with us today?"

"Sure," replied Baby Bunny. "I like football."

As they took their positions, each imagined himself a gridiron great. The big boys broke the fun--Big Boy Lion, Big Boy Bear, Big Boy Eagle and Big Boy Ram.

"Buncha damn babies," growled Big Boy Lion. "Get off our field."

"Never," cried Baby Bunny. "We had it first."

"Fine," said Big Boy Lion. "We'll play for it."

Baby Bunny pondered the scenario while the others shifted nervously behind. "I don't trust you."

"Big Boy Lion thought for a minute. "I'll tell you what. If you guys win, you get to eat us. But if we win, we get to eat you. Fair?"

The babies huddled to discuss the offer. It was a frightening one, but too good to pass up. We get to eat the Big Boys. It was enough to make Darwin spin in his grave.

"Ok, we'll play you," said Baby Bunny, "but we're going to win."

"Okay, you're on." Big Boy Lion grinned, baring his fangs. "Here's the rules...we'll make it easy on you. You have four downs to get the ball past us for a touchdown. If you do it, you win. If not, we win." While Big Boy Lion spoke, Big Boy Bear licked his lips.

"Deal."


First down. Baby Bunny took the snap from Baby Birdie and tried to run up the middle. Big Boy Eagle caught one of his bunny ears in his beak and flung him backward.

"I'm going to get you guys if its the last thing I ever do," Baby Bunny cried, shaking off the blood. The big boys just laughed.

"I'm in the mood for dinner," said Big Boy Ram.

Second down. Baby Bunny faked a handoff to Baby Kitty and threw a screen pass to Baby Turtle. Big Boy Bear stomped on him for no gain.

"I smell some good eatin's here," said Big Boy Bear.

Baby Bunny ran his paws through the fur between his ears. He didn't know what to do. They were two downs away from disaster.

He pulled his friends together into the huddle. "Guys, we have to do something. We have to win this game."

"What can we do?", asked Baby Birdie.

"I have an idea," said Baby Kitty.

On third down, Baby Bunny lateraled to Baby Kitty. While the big boys converged, Baby Kitty tossed the ball back to Baby Turtle, but the ball glanced off his cracked shell and fell to the grass. The earlier injury was just too much.

A chant rose from the Big Boys. We're gonna beat you, then we're gonna eat you.

"They're really going to eat us," said Baby Birdie.

"Not if I can help it," said Baby Bunny. "I have a plan."


The two sides glared at each other--eye to eye, tooth to tooth, beak to beak. Drool fell from several player's mouths.

The snap. Baby Bunny retreated a few yards, hopped around a bit to avoid the pass rush, and waited for Baby Birdie to get open. Baby Birdie managed to fly far enough away from Big Boy Eagle, and Baby Bunny tossed a perfect spiral down the field. Baby Birdie caught it on the fly and kept going, past the fifty, past the forty...he...could...go...all...the...WAY...

The babies ran up to greet Baby Birdie in the end zone. Big Boy Eagle dropped a load on the grass.

Turning back, they began to chant. "We beat you, now we eat YOU..."

"Eat us? I don't think so." Big boy Lion opened his mouth. He devoured Baby Kitty in one gulp. Big Boy Bear slapped Baby Birdie from the air and feasted on the carcass. Big Boy Ram butted Baby Turtle until his innards came loose.

Baby Bunny didn't have enough time to react. The last thing he saw was Big Boy Eagle's beak pecking at his face.

The moral: Only play football with Bears, Eagles, Lions and Rams if you belong in the NFL.