My Grandpa

My first rememberance of Grandpa was when I was probably four or five. I was at my grandparents by myself, no other siblings. Considering I have two little sisters, the older is two and a half years my junior, maybe I was younger.

I remember he was sitting in his "favorite" chair. Next to it was his "pipestand." It was a small table with a little half shelf on it. This table held all sorts of pipes and containers of his choice tobaccos. His tobacco had a sweet smell to it. I have never forgotten "his" smell.

I was sitting, or maybe I was hiding, beside this pipestand peering through the pipestems which hung on the circular rack on top, just watching him. He had the biggest head of anyone I had ever seen and with hardly any hair, it seemed even that much bigger. And his ears, they were huge. They took up half of the side of his head. At the same time, nothing looked abnormally out of porportion. I was so full of wonder.

I have never, even to this day, seen anyone's head who came close to being like Grandpa's. Even his sons, my Dad and my uncles, did not inherit this feature.

There he was sitting in his chair, smoking one of his many pipes and staring out in front of him at some unknown place. He glanced down at me behind those pipestems without moving his head. I think he was suprised I was there. He took a quick second and third look. My heart caught.

It was like he was a king seeing a waif in the throne room hiding in the shadows of his throne drinking in the unfamiliar sights with awe and wonder. But being the king, he couldn't just jump up and start yelling at me to get out or something. This kingly man kept his dignity by not saying a word or move a muscle toward my direction, but kept on with the proceedings at hand.

Even though his eyes asked, "Where did you come from and what are you doing here?", he never said a word. I don't remember Grandpa saying more than five or six words in my presence ever. He just kept his face straight that day, only moving his eyes. But, he had let me know he knew I was there.

This was strange for me because up until that day, no one had acknowledged me as a person. My family which consisted of Dad, Mom, three brothers and three sisters, even my Granny, aunts-in-laws and uncles had never looked me in the eye. They would talk to me or tell me what to do, but never, never would they look me in the eye.

The joining of our eyes, Grandpa's and mine, was like a thunderbolt hitting me. I know this sounds crazy, but it really has made me wonder about life, and the acknowledgement of another person; making sure a person's spirit knows someone "sees" them in this lifetime and they are not just a spirit floating through unnoticed like a ghost.

I knew right then, there was nothing I could do and nowhere I could go that he wouldn't know where I was and what I was doing. He would always "see" me. I just hoped he would see that whatever I did, I was trying to make the best choices from what options I saw available. Finding the right path is really challenging at times.

I just hope he can see whatever I did and wherever I went, I have always tried to do what was right and good. I LOVE YOU, Grandpa. Me