Interconflict

I've created this alias and with it comes the freedom to express myself, my intermost thoughts. I feel free enough to post my feelings across the web for the entire world to see and I don't fear that because no one knows who I am. I can scream from the roof tops whatever I please and no one can touch me for saying a word.

I love this, this new found freedom, I adore it really. But, yet even with it there a things, well one thing, that I'm still afraid to say because if I say it, it makes it real. I can't deny it, I have to accept it.

While pondering over the idea it occurred to me; why would I care, why does it matter? And after aganozing over it for a long time I realized something: I only fear it because it is unknown terrority to me and it changes who I am entirely.

Doesn't it? I'm still the person I was before, I think. Oh, I don't know what to think. This is unacceptable to my parents. But many around me wouldn't feel that way. If I was to utter this, whisper it, I would become a different person. People would see me, look at me differently. They wouldn't see me for who I am.

This secert is eating at the insides of me and is screaming to be let out. It wants to be let out, and I can't because I fear it so. To say it would be to give it power and make it true. There would be no more denying it. I would have, hate to face the truth.

I feel the innerturmoil pulsating through my body. It's scratching to be let out. It wants to be said, praised from the hill tops. If I don't give into who I am I feel as if I'm going to burst with the anguish of hiding my innerself.