Find

I can't see you now- you're hidden in a haze
so thick.
how do I even know if you are there?
Real, living, breathing.
Quickening my pulse as I grasp for you.

Why do you always walk
steadily, from outstretched arms?
So quickly
leaving me with nothing but emptiness
and air.
Cold air, bitter air, that reminds me I am a fool.

A fool who wants you, wants to chase you
if you won't chase me.
But somehow I always wonder:
Am I too good for you?
Or are you too good for me?

Answer me now- please as I ask
I need to know
before I lose my mind, before my heart stops
beating for you.

For you whom I don't know.
For you whom I may never see.
For you who may never see me back,
Not as I am, but only as my shell
boring and dull; you will unhaltingly move on
and I will never have known
the pleasure of love, its soothing and sweet touch

To a mystery I must be speaking
for surely I know not
your eyes, your face, your smile.
Your soul.
Why do I feel that I must?

I lack fabled completeness, but I wonder
if you do
Frustrated, I find no answers,
and yet I still want to know.
Where are you?

Do you realize I am here waiting?
Waiting for you to come and find me,
waiting for you to be near me.
Waiting and waiting, endlessly.
Pointlessly.

And I hate myself for it.
I do not want to need you.
I feel as though I have no right.
But the truth is, I do need you, my mystery,
my illusion, a lost and wandering phantom.

If you really are there, if you really do exist,
hear me now; hear me now and answer
my plea, my wish, my most fervent heart-felt prayer.
Take my hand and help me, and together
we can just BE.

Don't slip further
away from my limp and lonely arms.
Look for me instead
through the faceless hazy fog.
And there I'll let you find me.
I will not run away.